Category Archives: Family
Guest article, Copyright by Dawn McDowell
Here are five reasons why this activity that has been growing in popularity in recent years can give your relationship a boost.
Millions of Americans tune in to Dancing With The Stars each week to watch celebrities waltz, tango and salsa in pursuit of the mirror-ball trophy. Many of the viewers have decided to give partner dancing a whirl themselves.
If you have not rushed out to your local ballroom dance studio with the throngs of others, I challenge you to consider it. Before you discount it, consider these five benefits of learning to dance with your spouse.
- Dance is a fun activity you and your spouse can do together.
To dance is to celebrate. Consider these biblical references:
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful. Jeremiah 31:4, NIV
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11, NLT
Be glad at such a time, and dance for joy; for your reward is great in Heaven. Luke 6:23a, Weymouth New Testament
Dancing is customary at many weddings and holiday socials — times of celebration. And it can be a source of joy and fun for your marriage.
“The enjoyable times we spend together are the lifeblood of a marriage,” writes Greg Smalley, in an online article on the Focus on the Family website. “In fact, while researching their book Fighting for Your Marriage, the authors discovered that ‘the amount of fun [couples] had together emerged as the strongest factor in producing their overall marital happiness.‘”
Engaging in fun activities together creates memories that can be enjoyed for years to come as you reflect on them.
- Learning to dance together can rekindle romance.
A study by social psychologists at the State University of New York at Stony Brook found that enjoying a new recreational activity with your spouse can rekindle the romance that brought you together in the first place.
“New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine,” writes Tara Parker-Pope in an online New York Times article reporting on the research. “These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner.”
“Every marriage could use more romance,” writes Neil Clark Warren in Catching the Rhythm of Love. “It weaves you together, soul to soul.”
If you and your spouse have dance experience, choose a new style of dance and reap the romantic benefits of learning something new together.
- Dancing is great exercise. It improves your health while it improves your relationship.
The health benefits of dancing can include losing weight, reducing the effects of stress, strengthening your heart, lifting your spirits, improving your balance, and increasing your flexibility and energy level.
In a guest post on simplemarriage.net, Sean Marshall, dates and romance columnist of Family Rocketship, includes dancing on his list of physical “date night” activities. “Dancing is a fantastic way to get to know each other’s bodies and work together to create something beautiful,” he writes. “Find a dance style that you both like and go for it.
“The goal is to achieve a happy and strong marriage,” Marshall writes. “Two healthy bodies sure help you achieve that worthy goal.”
- Dancing together increases intimacy.
Intimacy is the genuine closeness that can be developed in all dimensions of a marriage. Sharing experiences, conquering challenges and generally navigating life together over time contributes to this closeness.
In a post on his Complete Life Fitness blog, dance instructor Stuart Palmer describes observations that he and his wife Tracy have made in their students:
… we continue to see that couples who dance together generally have better relationships and deeper intimacy. Not only that, but just about every couple we’ve taught proclaims that learning to dance together parallels learning to have a better relationship. And it’s true; the couples that look the best on the dance floor have learned to be better partners. They understand their individual roles and know how to enhance their partnership.
- Dancing together provides a “living picture” of scriptural marriage.
I have devoted an entire blog to exploring this “living picture,” and I invite you to visit marriagedance.org. For a sneak preview, I provide these words from author Sheila Gregoire’s blog. She describes the experience of learning to dance with her husband:
It really does change your relationship. It makes you work together. It makes you smile.
In most areas of our lives today, the sexes are interchangeable. A woman can do whatever a man can do, and vice versa. Dancing is one of the few areas of life where you have to either be a man or be a woman. You each have very defined roles, and it reminds you that you are two very different halves of one whole.
… If you’ve ever longed to hear her [your wife] say, “You decide and I’ll follow,” you’ve got to hit the dance floor.
Dancing doesn’t work if she tries to take control. You [the man] really do get to decide pretty much everything. And once she realizes that it works better that way, she can be putty in your hands. Plus, it is awfully romantic.
While you get to feel like a man, she gets to feel like a princess as you twirl her around. … It’s about treating her like she’s precious, and showing her off to the world. What woman doesn’t want to be treated like that?
Scriptural marriage affirms the equal value of men and women. It describes distinctly different and complementary roles for each of them. It is a beautiful partnership that I believe can be more completely understood by learning to dance with your spouse.
Waltz. Tango. Polka. Square Dance. There are a multitude of dance styles from which you can choose one that suits your preferences. Engage with your spouse in this fun and active pursuit, and your marriage will reap the benefits.
About the author: Dawn McDowell is a freelance writer and avid social dancer who has studied and practiced ballroom and swing dancing for more than 15 years. Desiring to see Christian marriages strengthened for the glory of God, she created a workshop that incorporates dance instruction with a scripture study on marriage. For more information, visit marriagedance.org. This article was previously published in Marriage Magazine.
Copyright 2016 by Bob Rogers
A man came home late from work, exhausted, and went to his son’s room to tell him goodnight. His son sat up in bed and asked, “Daddy, how much money do you make?” Irritated by such a question, he said, “Enough!” But the boy wasn’t satisfied and asked, “I mean how much do you make an hour?” He grumbled, “They pay me $25 an hour.” The boy then asked, “Can I borrow $10?” The father gruffly replied, “No! Now go to sleep!”
The following morning, the overworked dad apologized to his son and handed him a $10 bill. The little guy excitedly ran to his room, and soon returned with his piggy bank. He spilled all of his pennies, dimes and nickels on the breakfast table in front of his father. He said, “I’ve got $15 in my piggy bank.” Then he added the $10 bill to the pile and said, “Here’s $25, Daddy. Can I buy an hour of your time?”
This Father’s Day, let’s remember that our families want a relationship with us more than they want our money. And the greatest example is the relationship that Jesus, Son of God, has with God the Father. This is beautifully expressed by Jesus’ words in John 5:19-23. There we read that Jesus and the Father worked in perfect harmony, as Jesus said, “For whatever the Father does, the Son also does these things in the same way” (John 5:19). Too often, families are like a choir whose members are all are singing a different tune in a different key and rhythm. The result is a discordant chaos. The Father-Son relationship puts harmony to sheet music for the rest of us. Their relationship also proved its love by showing honor. Jesus said, “For the Father loves the Son and shows Him everything He is doing…So that all people will honor the Son just as they honor the Father…” (John 5:20, 23). Too often for us, the very mention of “family” causes a person to get a knot in his or her stomach, because of painful memories, hurtful words, and feelings of rejection. However, the Father-Son relationship is a picture of what love feels like. When Jesus was baptized, the Father proudly proclaimed, “This is My Beloved Son!” (Matthew 3:17). If God had a refrigerator, Jesus’ photos would be all over it.
Jesus said, “whatever the Father does, the Son does these things in the same way.” His way is a relationship path all of us should follow. That’s what makes for a happy Father’s Day!
Copyright 2015 by Bob Rogers
Many people have had mothers who prayed for them. The great theologian, Augustine, attributed his Christian conversion to the prayers of his mother, Monnica. Evangelist Billy Graham said, “What a comfort it was for me to know that no matter where I was in the world, my mother was praying for me.”
A Jewish mother named Hannah was a model of motherly prayer. The Bible says in the Book of First Samuel, chapter one, that Hannah was distraught because she could not have a child, and went to the tabernacle of the Lord to pray. There she met the priest Eli, who told her, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the petition you’ve requested from Him” (1 Samuel 1:17). Later, she gave birth to her son, Samuel, the prophet who anointed the first two rulers of Israel, King Saul and King…
View original post 425 more words
Copyright by Bob Rogers
Many people have had mothers who prayed for them. The great theologian, Augustine, attributed his Christian conversion to the prayers of his mother, Monnica. Evangelist Billy Graham said, “What a comfort it was for me to know that no matter where I was in the world, my mother was praying for me.”
A Jewish mother named Hannah was a model of motherly prayer. The Bible says in the Book of First Samuel, chapter one, that Hannah was distraught because she could not have a child, and went to the tabernacle of the Lord to pray. There she met the priest Eli, who told her, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the petition you’ve requested from Him” (1 Samuel 1:17). Later, she gave birth to her son, Samuel, the prophet who anointed the first two rulers of Israel, King Saul and King David.
If we look closely at this scripture, we will see four reasons why this mother’s prayer was so powerful:
1. It was a broken prayer. Verse 10 says, “Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed…” God rejects pride, but he often responds to brokenness and humility, especially in our prayers. He did so for King Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:1-6), He did for Hannah, and He has done so for many mothers who cry out to God for their families.
2. It was a committed prayer. Verse 11 says that Hannah prayed, “I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and his hair will never be cut.”” She was promising God that Samuel would take a Nazirite vow, a special commitment of service to God symbolized by uncut hair and drinking no wine. Many people call on God but don’t want God to call on them. Hannah readily offered her own son to the call of God on his life. God loves the prayers of mothers like Hannah, who are completely committed to the Lord.
3. It was a consistent prayer. Verse 12 says, “…she continued praying in the LORD’s presence…” She didn’t simply toss up one prayer in the air and give up when she didn’t get an instant answer. Hannah was like Epaphras, whom the apostle Paul praised because “he is always contending for you in his prayers” (Colossians 4:12). There is power in the persistent prayers of mothers who continue to cry out.
4. It was a believing prayer. Verse 18 says that after Eli blessed her, “Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer looked despondent.” It was some time later before she conceived and gave birth to a son (1 Samuel 1:20), but long before she had her answer, she believed. The Bible promises that God answers when we pray in faith (Matthew 21:22), in the name of Jesus (John 16:23), and the will of God (1 John 5:14). A mother named Hannah prayed like that, and in every generation, men and women have discovered the same power in prayer. We don’t always get the things for which we pray– or, we may receive answers in ways other than what we prefer, but there is no doubt that there is power in prayer.
On Mother’s Day, we honor women like Hannah. But the greatest honor we can give our mothers– whether living or not– is to pray to the same God who desires to pour out His love on us in answer to our prayers.
Copyright 2013 by Bob Rogers
“Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary His mother, and falling on their knees, they worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” Matthew 2:11, HCSB
My sister, Nancy Rogers, is the best gift-giver I know. I have always noticed how thoughtful she is in selecting gifts for others. So I called her up and asked for her advice, and here is what she told me:
Nancy said, “I think about what that person would enjoy. It depends on who the person is. If they have similar tastes to me, or a woman my age, then I ask myself if I would like that. Then, I ask, would it appeal to that person, not to me. So I ask myself, how would they react when they open this gift? Like a person who loves cats, I might think they would like a cat figurine, but then I think about how this person does not collect items and so even though they like cats, they don’t collect figurines. So I give it some time and thought. I learn about the person. The gift may not be that expensive, but it doesn’t matter; what matters is that I was thinking about his or her interests, because you can’t buy affection.”
What about giving money and gift cards?
What about giving money and gift cards? Nancy said, “I think giving cash and gift cards can be just fine. I have a goddaughter who lives on a tight budget. For her, money is very helpful to do something for herself. So I gave her $50 for her birthday. She wrote me a note and said she went and got her hair done, and nails done, something she would not have spent on her tight budget. If I had given her a pair of earrings that cost the same amount of money, it would mean less to her. If had given money to my boss who makes more money than me, it would not have meant as much to him. If my friend listens to music all of the time and likes to get music on his iPod from iTunes, and I give him an iTunes gift card. But doing so, I’m saying that I’m thinking about him because he will download music with it.
“When it comes to gift giving, the magic thing is not the dollar value. It’s showing the other person that you care about them and value them by thinking about what they would like. It’s about the receiver, the care and thought. One year when I had no money, I baked cookies and put them in plastic bags and put handwritten notes with the cookies, and it went over fine, because I tried to personalize it. A lot of times, a card you make yourself or a blank card that you write a note in, means even more.”
Special advice for men giving to women
Does she have any advice for men buying for their girlfriend or wife? “When a man is buying for a woman, I have two pieces of advice. Number one, ask the best friend and listen to what she says. The best friend knows! Tell her the budget range, and she will give you the best suggestion, hands down. Number two, when in doubt, give her jewelry! Women will buy inexpensive costume jewelry for themselves, but a lot of women won’t buy nice jewelry for themselves. But you need to know the style and taste your woman has in jewelry. Does she wear silver or gold? Are her ears pierced? You may even want to take the best friend with you to help you pick it out. If you buy expensive gold earrings for a woman who wears silver jewelry and does not have pierced ears, you have shown that you do not care enough about her to learn what she likes, even though you spent a lot of money.
The extra benefit of gift-giving
“What you will discover when you start putting time and thought into your gift-giving, is that gift-giving will become more enjoyable for you. You will look forward to seeing how the other person reacts and how they know that you showed that you care by selecting something just for them. After all, giving gifts is an expression of our love, and if we love someone, we will put some thought into what we give them.”
If you see a video ad below this post, please be aware that I have no control over these ads, and I do not necessarily endorse the product.
Genesis 2:24 says, “This is why” or “This is the reason” that a man and woman get married, and if you study the first two chapters of Genesis, you will see that marriage has three purposes:
1. A REFLECTION OF GOD’S UNITY. There is a unity within the diversity of the Godhead, as He is one God, yet three persons. Genesis 1:26-27 says that the Triune God said, “Let US make mankind in OUR image… He made them male and female.” The male-female relationship of marriage reflects a unity in the midst of diversity, much as God is one, yet diverse in three persons.
2. A REALIZATION OF HUMAN UNITY. The husband-wife relationship is a joyful discovery of human fulfillment unlike any other on earth. Genesis 2:18 says that God made a “help meet for him” (KJV), or “helper suitable for him” (NIV) or “helper as his complement (HCSB). The last translation is probably the best, because the Hebrew word is a combination of two words that mean “like” and “opposite.” The wife and husband complement one another in roles in the home, and complement one another emotionally and sexually.
3. THE REPRODUCTION OF CHILDREN. While not all couples can reproduce children, God intends to grow families through married couples. Thus in Genesis 1:28, after making them male and female and in His image, God blesses the man and woman and says, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth…”
There is something very important that we should notice here. Today’s society seeks to redefine marriage to include a same-sex union. Notice that same-sex unions fail to meet all three of these Biblical purposes of marriage. Only a heterosexual union reflects God’s unity in His diversity. Only a heterosexual union can form a relationship where two people complement one another as opposites, yet alike. And, of course, only a heterosexual union can reproduce children. That is why Genesis 2:24 says that a man leaves his parents and is united to “his wife.” This has been God’s purpose for marriage from the beginning of human history.
If you see a video ad below this post, I do not necessarily endorse the product.
Copyright 2013 by Bob Rogers
What are the top ten gifts NOT to give on Father’s Day?
Here’s my list:
9. “World’s Best Dad” coffee mug
8. “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt with a picture of Darth Vader
7. “World’s Best Dad” certificate signed by a Lazy Son or Daughter
6. The book, Fatherhood for Dummies.
5. A text message saying “Happy Father’s Day.”
4. Nose and ear hair trimmer
3. Big Mouth Billy the Bass singing fish
2. Book a cruise and charge it to Dad’s credit card.
Yep. Nothing. The worst gift of all is to forget Father’s Day and fail to call or say anything about it. Even a text message is better than nothing at all.
“Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12, HCSB)
I always thought that I was romantic. But having two attractive young daughters has taught me that I have a lot to learn about romance. (Sorry, guys, they’re both taken—both are now married.) According to my daughters, there are three different levels in a boy-girl relationship:
1. “Talking.” If you’re “talking,” it means you’re interested in each other, but you’re not committed to being boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re free to talk to others. A lot of this “talking” is actually “typing,” because they often do it by texting on their cell phones.
2. “Going out.” This means a commitment to being boyfriend and girlfriend. My generation called this “going steady,” but today’s teens call it “going out.” The only problem is, if they don’t have a driver’s license, they aren’t really going anywhere. Personally, I think they should call this “talking a lot more,” or “texting a lot more,” because that’s what they’re really doing.
3. “Dating.” This is for older youth who have driver’s licenses. If you’re older, you can go straight from “talking” to “dating.” Also, to further complicate things, you can be “dating” but not yet committed to “going out.” So in this scenario, you actually ARE going out, yet you are not officially “going out.”
To my daughters’ list of three levels, I would add a fourth level. If God leads you to Mr. Right, then at the proper time, you should move to a fourth level in a relationship:
4. “Married.” This is what happens when you decide to go out permanently.
I’m reminded of a conversation I once overheard in a flower shop just before Valentine’s Day. Some young men were in the shop, talking about their constantly changing girlfriends. An older man spoke up and said, “What you guys need to do is stop buying at the news stand and get a subscription.”
The Bible says, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18) and “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). That’s why I’m happy for my daughters. And I pray that after they are married, they don’t forget to keep dating, and going out, and talking. I know that if they do, their subscription will never run out.
Murrow says that men like challenge and taking risks, but Christians have made church a place of nurturing and building relationships.
Murrow says that there are three gender gaps in the church: the gap of presence, the gap of participation, and the gap of personality.
The Gap of Presence: He says that in the USA, 61% of the church attendees are women, but only 39% are men. This trend is also found in other nations around the world. Interestingly, nondenominational churches had the smallest gap, while the biggest gap was found in Episcopal Churches.
The Gap of Participation: He says that women are 57% more likely to participate in Sunday School, and 33% more likely to volunteer for a church than men. Christian book sales are 75% to women, and the Christian radio audience is 63% female.
The Gap of Personality: He says that while 62% of the general population has a passive personality, 85% of Christians have passive personalities. There are greater numbers of artistic and homosexual men in church than the general population, but lower numbers of what he calls “risk takers, fun lovers and dangerous men.”
After I read this book a few years ago, I asked readers on a previous blog to tell me why they thought fewer men went to church. I received over 100 comments in one week! Here are the top reasons they gave:
1) Failure to let men lead. This may be controversial, but it was the most-often mentioned reason, both from men and women who commented. Many blamed women who would not let men be leaders in church. Others, especially men, blamed the men for not taking their leadership role.
2) Overemphasis on relationships. Women are social beings who cherish relationships; men not so much. It is interesting that this was the most common answer given by women who shared why their husbands did not come, but it was also mentioned by several men. Telling men they need a “personal relationship” with Jesus and “fall in love with Jesus” does not appeal to men as much as it does to women.
3) Overemphasis on sensitivity. “Gentle Jesus, meek and mild” and “sharing what’s on your heart” may make a man feel like he is stripped of his masculinity.
4) Not enough action. Most men want to be active; they don’t want to just sit and listen to a long sermon. They want to do things. David Murrow says, “men learn side by side, women learn face to face.” That’s why he recommends women have a conference to learn together, but men go fishing or hiking or build something together.
5) Men lack spirituality. Several who gave comments, mostly men, seem to blame men for lacking spirituality.
6) Need a challenge. This answer came almost exclusively from men. Several men mentioned that men need to be challenged.
7) Music is too feminine. This was another answer given by men themselves. They feel that too many songs are about “loving Jesus” in ways that are very feminine and the lyrics are words men would never say to another man.
So what do you think? Leave me a comment and join the conversation.
Like many men, I am not a very good gift-giver. I wait until the last minute and run out to Wal-Mart. Or I get a gift that I think she wants, instead of what she really wants. When I was a young husband, I got my wife an iron for her birthday. It’s due to God’s grace and my wife’s patience that we’re still married. Some men reading this just asked, “What’s so bad about giving her an iron?” So for you guys who don’t know any better, here is a list of the Top Ten Things NOT to give your mother on Mother’s Day:
10. A plaque from Kroger that says “World’s Greatest Mom.”
9. A “God Loves Mothers” ballpoint pen that they give out at church on Mother’s Day.
8. A membership at the YMCA.
7. A toaster.
6. A mop and a broom.
5. Exercise equipment.
4. A new shotgun.
3. Ammunition for the new shotgun.
2. Taking her to a wrestling match.
1. An Extra Large white T-shirt from Wal-Mart that says “World’s Greatest Mom.”
Okay if these gifts are so bad, what are the Top Ten GOOD gifts for Mother’s Day?
Here are the Top Ten GOOD Gifts for Mother’s Day:
9. A new Bible
8. A gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure.
7. Take her out to eat.
6. If you can’t see her on Mother’s Day, call her and talk to her a long time and let her know you love her.
5. Take her on a surprise trip to see her mother.
4. A handmade gift from her children.
3. Dress the kids, take them to get their picture, and then frame the photo and give it to Mom.
2. Have Dad and all the children go to church with Mom and sit with her in church.
1. Clean the house, have Dad and the kids cook at home, and let Mom relax with all the family there.
Hey Brother Bob! I wanted to get your opinion. We were discussing whether or not it is a sin to get a tattoo. One of the verses brought up was about keeping your body holy and the thought process was that any permanent markings (piercing of any kind, tattoos, etc) was making the temple unholy. Another thought process put on the table was that tattoos were ok except memorial tattoos because that is specifically what Leviticus said the pagans did to mourn their dead and we shouldn’t do that. Another thought was even Christian tattoos (i.e. crosses, Jesus fishes, etc) weren’t cool because its too much like trying to be like the world. The other thought was that as long as it was easily coverable (so as not to offend and turn off the lost), you didn’t do it because everyone else was or it became an obsession and it was something you really thought about and talked to God about, it was ok. Lastly, the thought that it was just like picking out clothes, not that big of a deal and no need to even consult Scripture… I just wanted to ask you how Scripture spoke to this issue…
On the subject of tattoos, I would basically agree with the second view, that “memorial tattoos” violate Leviticus 19:28: “‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.”
We have to be careful about projecting our cultural viewpoint on this issue, and make sure that we are following scripture, not tradition. The views that permanent markings make the temple of your body unholy, or that it is too much like trying to be like the world, are viewpoints that make an assumption that all tattoos are unholy and worldly. What evidence is there that all tattoos are unholy and worldly, other than tradition and personal preference? Similarly, some would point to Leviticus 19:28 and say the Bible says not to put tattoo marks on yourselves, but if you read the context, it is referring to tattoo markings as a memorial to the dead in pagan practice, just as you mentioned in your email. If someone insisted on a blanket ban on all tattoos based on Leviticus 19:28, to be consistent he would also have to ban all haircuts based on the previous verse, which says “do not cut off the hair at the sides of your head…” Without looking at the background, one might assume this forbids haircuts, but from Leviticus 21:5, 1 Kings 18:28 we can determine that this was a pagan practice, and the concern was to avoid a pagan practice.
Most people would agree that haircuts are permitted, but if there was a haircut commonly done to worship some false god, then we should avoid that. For example, Christians in Thailand would want to avoid getting haircuts that look like Buddhist monks.
If you apply this same logic to Leviticus 19:28, then you would have to say that the Bible is not necesssarily banning all tattoos, but it is warning against pagan tattoos. Deuteronomy 14:1-2 and Jeremiah 48:37 also refer to cutting of the body as common in pagan religion, so it would appear that this was the problem with tattoos in Leviticus 19:28. So basically, I would agree with the second viewpoint in your email.
Two other points to consider about tattoos:
1) Tattoos should be done by a professional, to avoid health risks. (Remember, the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.)
2) Tattoos should not be placed on private body parts (breast, buttocks, etc.) by a person of the opposite sex, as this is immodest and sexually provocative contact between the sexes.
3) Remember that scripture teaches us not to do something which would cause your brother or sister in Christ to stumble (see Romans 14, especially verse 21.) That’s why, in my personal opinion, tattoos that can be covered by normal clothing are preferable. In a follow-up email with the student, I discovered that this subject came up because of a desire to put a tattoo on the foot with the words “Send Me” as a reminder to go where God would send, based on Romans 10:15. Certainly a tattoo like this that reminds a person of his or her calling and is covered and does not call attention to oneself cannot be said to be unholy. In fact, its very holy, indeed!
Copyright 2012 by Bob Rogers
I received the following question by email from someone from another church who has granted permission for me to post the question and my reply:
“I have consulted my pastor and other pastors concerning our Baptist teachings about divorce and remain confused. I am divorced. I made an oath at my wedding of “til death do us part” and finished with “so help me God.” Even though adultery entered my spouse’s life, do I remain bound by my oath? Did you do a blog on this topic? Or, better yet … will you do one and let me know.”
I understand that you are already divorced, apparently because of your spouse’s adultery, and your question is, “do I remain bound by my oath?”
It appears there are two parts to your question. First, the question of whether your divorce was permissable, and second, the question of whether you are free to remarry. So let’s take the two issues separately:
1. The question of permissable divorce. According to Jesus’ statement in Matthew 5:32, adultery is a permissable reason for divorce. Thus if your spouse committed adultery, you did have biblical grounds for divorce. The other biblical ground for divorce is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15, when one spouse is an unbeliever and leaves.
(I would caution readers, however, that just because your spouse commits adultery or leaves you for a time does not mean that you should rush into a divorce. If at all possible, you should seek a counselor and seek restoration in your marriage. I have known couples who suffered adultery and other problems in their relationship who were able to experience repentance, forgiveness and restoration.
The second caution I would give to readers is that if you are suffering physical abuse or severe verbal abuse, you may need to remove yourself from your home to an undisclosed location for your own safety.)
2. The question of remarriage after divorce. You mentioned “our Baptist teachings about divorce.” While I am glad to be a Baptist, we must make certain that our teachings come from the Bible, not Baptist tradition or any other tradition that contradicts scripture.
Jesus recognized the fact that the woman at the well had five husbands, although she was cohabitating with the man she was with at the time she met Jesus, and that man was not her husband (John 4:17-18). By this statement, Jesus recognized each of these five marriages as true marriages.
A common “Baptist teaching” about Matthew 5:32 is that it bans remarriage after divorce, because it says that anyone who divorces his wife causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
However, the New Testament Greek verb used in the original text used the passive voice, which means the subject receives the action, rather than causing the action. In other words, divorce is a stigma that the husband puts on his wife by divorcing her. It is something the first husband does to the woman and the man she remarries. The stigma is being divorced and being married to a divorced person. Notice in the verse that the stigma occurs whether or not there is ever a remarriage, because it says “anyone who divorces his wife… causes her to become an adulteress.” Notice he causes the adultery before any remarriage. It could be translated, that he adulterizes her. This is referring to the stigma of divorce. It is interesting that the 2011 revision of the New International Version translates Matthew 5:32, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery…”
I recognize that this is a controversial passage, and there are differences of opinion about it, but I do not think the scripture teaches that remarriage after divorce is automatically a sin.
I’m a 2nd year student at Georgia Tech and majoring in Business Administration. I am also a Baseball Announcer for WREK- 91.1 FM, the student radio station at Georgia Tech, and a huge sports fan.
Sunday, February 12, 2012:
Weather in Atlanta is in the 20s, so I have a heavy coat with me as I leave for Grace Midtown Church in the morning. Worship this morning is great and the sermon continues a series on Proverbs that has been going on this semester with a study of Proverbs 7. The head pastor is 28 years old and he is out this Sunday after the birth of his first child, so the message is delivered by an associate pastor. (Well over half of the people that attend the church are under 30 and there are a lot of college students, especially from Georgia Tech, which is nearby. Despite the predominately young congregation, people of all ages attend.)
After church, I go to Russ Chandler Stadium, home of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Baseball team. I help my radio partner, Nolan Alexander, to add some decorations to the home radio booth. Today’s task is drilling in a bookshelf. We also practice a few innings of play-by-play, while the team scrimmages before the start of the 2012 season on Friday. (All of the Georgia Tech Baseball games can be heard on WREK 91.1 FM in Atlanta and WREK.org online. I am scheduled to announce at least 25 games this season after calling 11 games my freshman year.)
After I arrive back home, I spend the rest of the afternoon and night studying. I have an unusually busy week ahead with four tests and a weekend of baseball to prepare for.
Monday, February 13, 2012:
I wake up at 7:30 planning on heading to campus to help work on some technical aspects for our radio broadcast, but I get a text saying that it is covered. That means I get to spend the next few hours for some more studying. I have two tests today and I sandwich a nap in between them. After my last test, I get dinner at my apartment, watch TV, and just relax for a little while. At 7:00, I make one last trip for the day to campus, this time to the radio station, for our last formal Baseball Broadcasters’ Meeting to go over the equipment setup. After the meeting, I get some more studying in for my next test.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012:
I’m up early today at 6:30 to eat breakfast and get ready for class. I have one class at 8:00 and then a test after that. For the second straight day, I get a nice nap during the afternoon. I have one more class at 3:00, but when I get home after that class, I’m all studied out. Three of my four tests for the week are out of the way, so I am relaxing tonight.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012:
I get to sleep-in until about 11:00 today, but then I have a pair of classes separated by a two and a half hour break. After my last class ends at 5:00, I get some dinner at Chick-fil-A in the Student Center and head up to the radio station. I’m filling in as producer for the Ramblin’ Wreck Report and tonight we have our annual Baseball Preview Show. Our guests are Georgia Tech 1B/LHP Jake Davies and our closer RHP Luke Bard. (They happen to be the only current Jackets with brothers currently playing in the major leagues. Kyle Davies P for the Royals and Daniel Bard P for the Red Sox). After the show, I go home for a little bit, but I go back to campus for a bible study at 9:00. I catch a ride back to my place afterwards and study for a little while before going to bed.
Thursday, February 16, 2012:
I have a pair of classes starting at 8:00 A.M. again. In between class, I head home to study for my last test of the week, but I get a text from a friend letting me know that the Atlanta Braves are handing out applications for summer jobs in the Student Center. I head back to the school earlier than usual to try and see if I can talk to someone from the Braves and see what kind of positions they were offering, but apparently they have already left, so I move my study station over to the library. I take my last test of the week in my last class of the week and head home to pack. Around 6:30, Nolan and I gather our equipment and hit the road for Rock Hill, South Carolina, where Georgia Tech is scheduled to play four games in the Coca-Cola Classic at Winthrop University against both Winthrop and Kent State. On the way, we make an extended stop at Nolan’s house for a delicious home-cooked meal. We get to the hotel around 12:30, where we are greeted by a pair of avid, older Tech Baseball fans, who are hanging around the lobby. They talk to us for a while before we finally get away and get to sleep after 1:00.
Friday, February 17, 2012:
We arrive at Winthrop Ballpark around 11:00, three hours before first pitch, to set up our equipment and prepare for an opening day doubleheader. In the first game, we have some frustrating technical issues, but eventually we get the issue resolved. It is a tough first game for the Jackets as well vs. Kent State. The Golden Flashes All-American P David Starn pitches eight shutout innings only allowing four singles, as Tech loses 5-0.
Second game goes better for us in the booth and on the field. Matthew Grimes pitches seven innings and only allows one hit and Zane Evans pitches two perfect innings to lead Tech to a 5-0 win over Winthrop.
Saturday, February 18, 2012:
At the hotel in the morning, we hear that there have been a few changes to the schedule because of weather expected tonight and tomorrow. Our game scheduled for today is moved up from 1:00 to noon and our game scheduled for tomorrow is moved to 7:00 tonight. The noon game goes by very quickly and the broadcast is even better than the day before. Tech gets revenge against Kent State winning 6-2, as Daniel Palka homers and scores four runs.
In between games Nolan and I get some lunch away from the ballpark and head back to the hotel for a break. Will Long, another Tech baseball announcer, made the trip up for the day to Rock Hill, where he worked last summer broadcasting for the Carolina Stingers of the Southern Collegiate Baseball League. As we arrive back at the ballpark we hear that our second game has been moved up an additional hour to try and beat the rain. We get set up just in time for the first pitch. Will and Nolan do play-by-play and I rotate in to do some color broadcasting for the final game of the weekend. Tech beats Winthrop again, this time 5-3, to start the season 3-1.
Sunday, February 19, 2012:
The team headed back last night, but Nolan and I stayed at the hotel. The weather forecasts were correct as it is a rainy day in Rock Hill that would not have been conducive for baseball. We check out of the hotel and make the drive back to Atlanta after a very successful first weekend of college baseball. I arrive back at my place around 4:00 and relax as I get set for another less busy week of school with more baseball.
As you can see, my schedule as a college student can be very busy at times, but I am challenging myself with school and getting some great opportunities to be involved with things that I love.
[Wade is announcing tonight’s home game against Ohio State.]