Category Archives: Family

Guest post: Learning to Dance with your Spouse Can Strengthen your Marriage

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Guest article, Copyright by Dawn McDowell

Here are five reasons why this activity that has been growing in popularity in recent years can give your relationship a boost.

Millions of Americans tune in to Dancing With The Stars each week to watch celebrities waltz, tango and salsa in pursuit of the mirror-ball trophy. Many of the viewers have decided to give partner dancing a whirl themselves.

If you have not rushed out to your local ballroom dance studio with the throngs of others, I challenge you to consider it. Before you discount it, consider these five benefits of learning to dance with your spouse.

  • Dance is a fun activity you and your spouse can do together.

To dance is to celebrate. Consider these biblical references:
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.  Jeremiah 31:4, NIV

 

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.  Psalm 30:11, NLT

 

Be glad at such a time, and dance for joy; for your reward is great in Heaven. Luke 6:23a, Weymouth New Testament

Dancing is customary at many weddings and holiday socials — times of celebration. And it can be a source of joy and fun for your marriage.

“The enjoyable times we spend together are the lifeblood of a marriage,” writes Greg Smalley, in an online article on the Focus on the Family website. “In fact, while researching their book Fighting for Your Marriage, the authors discovered that ‘the amount of fun [couples] had together emerged as the strongest factor in producing their overall marital happiness.‘”

Engaging in fun activities together creates memories that can be enjoyed for years to come as you reflect on them.

  • Learning to dance together can rekindle romance.

A study by social psychologists at the State University of New York at Stony Brook found that enjoying a new recreational activity with your spouse can rekindle the romance that brought you together in the first place.

“New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine,” writes Tara Parker-Pope in an online New York Times article reporting on the research. “These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner.”

“Every marriage could use more romance,” writes Neil Clark Warren in Catching the Rhythm of Love. “It weaves you together, soul to soul.”

If you and your spouse have dance experience, choose a new style of dance and reap the romantic benefits of learning something new together.

  • Dancing is great exercise. It improves your health while it improves your relationship.

The health benefits of dancing can include losing weight, reducing the effects of stress, strengthening your heart, lifting your spirits, improving your balance, and increasing your flexibility and energy level.

In a guest post on simplemarriage.net, Sean Marshall, dates and romance columnist of Family Rocketship, includes dancing on his list of physical “date night” activities. “Dancing is a fantastic way to get to know each other’s bodies and work together to create something beautiful,” he writes. “Find a dance style that you both like and go for it.

“The goal is to achieve a happy and strong marriage,” Marshall writes. “Two healthy bodies sure help you achieve that worthy goal.”

  • Dancing together increases intimacy.

Intimacy is the genuine closeness that can be developed in all dimensions of a marriage. Sharing experiences, conquering challenges and generally navigating life together over time contributes to this closeness.

In a post on his Complete Life Fitness blog, dance instructor Stuart Palmer describes observations that he and his wife Tracy have made in their students:

… we continue to see that couples who dance together generally have better relationships and deeper intimacy. Not only that, but just about every couple we’ve taught proclaims that learning to dance together parallels learning to have a better relationship. And it’s true; the couples that look the best on the dance floor have learned to be better partners. They understand their individual roles and know how to enhance their partnership.

  • Dancing together provides a “living picture” of scriptural marriage.

I have devoted an entire blog to exploring this “living picture,” and I invite you to visit marriagedance.org. For a sneak preview, I provide these words from author Sheila Gregoire’s blog. She describes the experience of learning to dance with her husband:

It really does change your relationship. It makes you work together. It makes you smile.

In most areas of our lives today, the sexes are interchangeable. A woman can do whatever a man can do, and vice versa. Dancing is one of the few areas of life where you have to either be a man or be a woman. You each have very defined roles, and it reminds you that you are two very different halves of one whole.

… If you’ve ever longed to hear her [your wife] say, You decide and I’ll follow,” you’ve got to hit the dance floor.

Dancing doesn’t work if she tries to take control. You [the man] really do get to decide pretty much everything. And once she realizes that it works better that way, she can be putty in your hands. Plus, it is awfully romantic.

While you get to feel like a man, she gets to feel like a princess as you twirl her around. … It’s about treating her like she’s precious, and showing her off to the world. What woman doesn’t want to be treated like that?

Scriptural marriage affirms the equal value of men and women. It describes distinctly different and complementary roles for each of them. It is a beautiful partnership that I believe can be more completely understood by learning to dance with your spouse.

Waltz. Tango. Polka. Square Dance. There are a multitude of dance styles from which you can choose one that suits your preferences. Engage with your spouse in this fun and active pursuit, and your marriage will reap the benefits.

 

dawnmcdowell

About the author: Dawn McDowell is a freelance writer and avid social dancer who has studied and practiced ballroom and swing dancing for more than 15 years. Desiring to see Christian marriages strengthened for the glory of God, she created a workshop that incorporates dance instruction with a scripture study on marriage. For more information, visit marriagedance.org. This article was previously published in Marriage Magazine.

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What makes a happy Father’s Day

Copyright 2016 by Bob Rogers

FatherChildBike

A man came home late from work, exhausted, and went to his son’s room to tell him goodnight. His son sat up in bed and asked, “Daddy, how much money do you make?” Irritated by such a question, he said, “Enough!” But the boy wasn’t satisfied and asked, “I mean how much do you make an hour?” He grumbled, “They pay me $25 an hour.” The boy then asked, “Can I borrow $10?” The father gruffly replied, “No! Now go to sleep!”
The following morning, the overworked dad apologized to his son and handed him a $10 bill. The little guy excitedly ran to his room, and soon returned with his piggy bank. He spilled all of his pennies, dimes and nickels on the breakfast table in front of his father. He said, “I’ve got $15 in my piggy bank.” Then he added the $10 bill to the pile and said, “Here’s $25, Daddy. Can I buy an hour of your time?”
This Father’s Day, let’s remember that our families want a relationship with us more than they want our money. And the greatest example is the relationship that Jesus, Son of God, has with God the Father. This is beautifully expressed by Jesus’ words in John 5:19-23. There we read that Jesus and the Father worked in perfect harmony, as Jesus said, “For whatever the Father does, the Son also does these things in the same way” (John 5:19). Too often, families are like a choir whose members are all are singing a different tune in a different key and rhythm. The result is a discordant chaos. The Father-Son relationship puts harmony to sheet music for the rest of us. Their relationship also proved its love by showing honor. Jesus said, “For the Father loves the Son and shows Him everything He is doing…So that all people will honor the Son just as they honor the Father…” (John 5:20, 23). Too often for us, the very mention of “family” causes a person to get a knot in his or her stomach, because of painful memories, hurtful words, and feelings of rejection. However, the Father-Son relationship is a picture of what love feels like. When Jesus was baptized, the Father proudly proclaimed, “This is My Beloved Son!” (Matthew 3:17). If God had a refrigerator, Jesus’ photos would be all over it.
Jesus said, “whatever the Father does, the Son does these things in the same way.” His way is a relationship path all of us should follow. That’s what makes for a happy Father’s Day!

The power of a mother’s prayer

Bob Rogers

PrayerMotherDaughter

Copyright 2015 by Bob Rogers
Many people have had mothers who prayed for them. The great theologian, Augustine, attributed his Christian conversion to the prayers of his mother, Monnica. Evangelist Billy Graham said, “What a comfort it was for me to know that no matter where I was in the world, my mother was praying for me.”
A Jewish mother named Hannah was a model of motherly prayer. The Bible says in the Book of First Samuel, chapter one, that Hannah was distraught because she could not have a child, and went to the tabernacle of the Lord to pray. There she met the priest Eli, who told her, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the petition you’ve requested from Him” (1 Samuel 1:17). Later, she gave birth to her son, Samuel, the prophet who anointed the first two rulers of Israel, King Saul and King…

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What the Bible Says about Homosexuality May Surprise You

What the Bible Says about Homosexuality May Surprise You.

The purpose of marriage, according to Genesis

The purpose of marriage, according to Genesis.

The power of a mother’s prayer

PrayerMotherDaughter

Copyright 2015 by Bob Rogers
Many people have had mothers who prayed for them. The great theologian, Augustine, attributed his Christian conversion to the prayers of his mother, Monnica. Evangelist Billy Graham said, “What a comfort it was for me to know that no matter where I was in the world, my mother was praying for me.”
A Jewish mother named Hannah was a model of motherly prayer. The Bible says in the Book of First Samuel, chapter one, that Hannah was distraught because she could not have a child, and went to the tabernacle of the Lord to pray. There she met the priest Eli, who told her, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the petition you’ve requested from Him” (1 Samuel 1:17). Later, she gave birth to her son, Samuel, the prophet who anointed the first two rulers of Israel, King Saul and King David.
If we look closely at this scripture, we will see four reasons why this mother’s prayer was so powerful:
1. It was a broken prayer. Verse 10 says, “Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed…” God rejects pride, but he often responds to brokenness and humility, especially in our prayers. He did so for King Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:1-6), He did for Hannah, and He has done so for many mothers who cry out to God for their families.
2. It was a committed prayer. Verse 11 says that Hannah prayed, “I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and his hair will never be cut.”” She was promising God that Samuel would take a Nazirite vow, a special commitment of service to God symbolized by uncut hair and drinking no wine. Many people call on God but don’t want God to call on them. Hannah readily offered her own son to the call of God on his life. God loves the prayers of mothers like Hannah, who are completely committed to the Lord.
3. It was a consistent prayer. Verse 12 says, “…she continued praying in the LORD’s presence…” She didn’t simply toss up one prayer in the air and give up when she didn’t get an instant answer. Hannah was like Epaphras, whom the apostle Paul praised because “he is always contending for you in his prayers” (Colossians 4:12). There is power in the persistent prayers of mothers who continue to cry out.
4. It was a believing prayer. Verse 18 says that after Eli blessed her, “Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer looked despondent.” It was some time later before she conceived and gave birth to a son (1 Samuel 1:20), but long before she had her answer, she believed. The Bible promises that God answers when we pray in faith (Matthew 21:22), in the name of Jesus (John 16:23), and the will of God (1 John 5:14). A mother named Hannah prayed like that, and in every generation, men and women have discovered the same power in prayer. We don’t always get the things for which we pray– or, we may receive answers in ways other than what we prefer, but there is no doubt that there is power in prayer.
On Mother’s Day, we honor women like Hannah. But the greatest honor we can give our mothers– whether living or not– is to pray to the same God who desires to pour out His love on us in answer to our prayers.

Advice on gift-giving from the best one I know

Copyright 2013 by Bob Rogers

“Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary His mother, and falling on their knees, they worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” Matthew 2:11, HCSB

Advice from a great gift-giver
NancyRogers

   My sister, Nancy Rogers, is the best gift-giver I know. I have always noticed how thoughtful she is in selecting gifts for others. So I called her up and asked for her advice, and here is what she told me:

   Nancy said, “I think about what that person would enjoy. It depends on who the person is. If they have similar tastes to me, or a woman my age, then I ask myself if I would like that. Then, I ask, would it appeal to that person, not to me. So I ask myself, how would they react when they open this gift? Like a person who loves cats, I might think they would like a cat figurine, but then I think about how this person does not collect items and so even though they like cats, they don’t collect figurines. So I give it some time and thought. I learn about the person. The gift may not be that expensive, but it doesn’t matter; what matters is that I was thinking about his or her interests, because you can’t buy affection.”

What about giving money and gift cards?

   What about giving money and gift cards? Nancy said, “I think giving cash and gift cards can be just fine. I have a goddaughter who lives on a tight budget. For her, money is very helpful to do something for herself. So I gave her $50 for her birthday. She wrote me a note and said she went and got her hair done, and nails done, something she would not have spent on her tight budget. If I had given her a pair of earrings that cost the same amount of money, it would mean less to her. If had given money to my boss who makes more money than me, it would not have meant as much to him. If my friend listens to music all of the time and likes to get music on his iPod from iTunes, and I give him an iTunes gift card. But doing so, I’m saying that I’m thinking about him because he will download music with it.

   “When it comes to gift giving, the magic thing is not the dollar value. It’s showing the other person that you care about them and value them by thinking about what they would like. It’s about the receiver, the care and thought. One year when I had no money, I baked cookies and put them in plastic bags and put handwritten notes with the cookies, and it went over fine, because I tried to personalize it. A lot of times, a card you make yourself or a blank card that you write a note in, means even more.”

Special advice for men giving to women

   Does she have any advice for men buying for their girlfriend or wife? “When a man is buying for a woman, I have two pieces of advice. Number one, ask the best friend and listen to what she says. The best friend knows! Tell her the budget range, and she will give you the best suggestion, hands down. Number two, when in doubt, give her jewelry! Women will buy inexpensive costume jewelry for themselves, but a lot of women won’t buy nice jewelry for themselves. But you need to know the style and taste your woman has in jewelry. Does she wear silver or gold? Are her ears pierced? You may even want to take the best friend with you to help you pick it out. If you buy expensive gold earrings for a woman who wears silver jewelry and does not have pierced ears, you have shown that you do not care enough about her to learn what she likes, even though you spent a lot of money.

The extra benefit of gift-giving

   “What you will discover when you start putting time and thought into your gift-giving, is that gift-giving will become more enjoyable for you. You will look forward to seeing how the other person reacts and how they know that you showed that you care by selecting something just for them. After all, giving gifts is an expression of our love, and if we love someone, we will put some thought into what we give them.”

If you see a video ad below this post, please be aware that I have no control over these ads, and I do not necessarily endorse the product.

The purpose of marriage, according to Genesis

AdamEveGarden
Copyright 2013 by Bob Rogers

Genesis 2:24 says, “This is why” or “This is the reason” that a man and woman get married, and if you study the first two chapters of Genesis, you will see that marriage has three purposes:

1. A REFLECTION OF GOD’S UNITY. There is a unity within the diversity of the Godhead, as He is one God, yet three persons. Genesis 1:26-27 says that the Triune God said, “Let US make mankind in OUR image… He made them male and female.” The male-female relationship of marriage reflects a unity in the midst of diversity, much as God is one, yet diverse in three persons.

2. A REALIZATION OF HUMAN UNITY. The husband-wife relationship is a joyful discovery of human fulfillment unlike any other on earth. Genesis 2:18 says that God made a “help meet for him” (KJV), or “helper suitable for him” (NIV) or “helper as his complement (HCSB). The last translation is probably the best, because the Hebrew word is a combination of two words that mean “like” and “opposite.” The wife and husband complement one another in roles in the home, and complement one another emotionally and sexually.

3. THE REPRODUCTION OF CHILDREN. While not all couples can reproduce children, God intends to grow families through married couples. Thus in Genesis 1:28, after making them male and female and in His image, God blesses the man and woman and says, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth…”

There is something very important that we should notice here. Today’s society seeks to redefine marriage to include a same-sex union.  Notice that same-sex unions fail to meet all three of these Biblical purposes of marriage. Only a heterosexual union reflects God’s unity in His diversity. Only a heterosexual union can form a relationship where two people complement one another as opposites, yet alike. And, of course, only a heterosexual union can reproduce children. That is why Genesis 2:24 says that a man leaves his parents and is united to “his wife.” This has been God’s purpose for marriage from the beginning of human history.

If you see a video ad below this post, I do not necessarily endorse the product.

The Top Ten Gifts NOT to give on Father’s Day

Copyright 2013 by Bob Rogers

FathersDayFacebook

What are the top ten gifts NOT to give on Father’s Day?

Here’s my list:

10. Necktie

9. “World’s Best Dad” coffee mug

8. “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt with a picture of Darth Vader

7. “World’s Best Dad” certificate signed by a Lazy Son or Daughter

6. The book, Fatherhood for Dummies.

5. A text message saying “Happy Father’s Day.”

4. Nose and ear hair trimmer

3. Big Mouth Billy the Bass singing fish

2. Book a cruise and charge it to Dad’s credit card.

1. Nothing.

   Yep. Nothing. The worst gift of all is to forget Father’s Day and fail to call or say anything about it. Even a text message is better than nothing at all.

   “Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12, HCSB)

Valentine’s Day and the Preacher’s Daughters

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I always thought that I was romantic. But having two attractive young daughters has taught me that I have a lot to learn about romance. (Sorry, guys, they’re both taken—both are now married.) According to my daughters, there are three different levels in a boy-girl relationship:

1. “Talking.” If you’re “talking,” it means you’re interested in each other, but you’re not committed to being boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re free to talk to others. A lot of this “talking” is actually “typing,” because they often do it by texting on their cell phones.

2. “Going out.” This means a commitment to being boyfriend and girlfriend. My generation called this “going steady,” but today’s teens call it “going out.” The only problem is, if they don’t have a driver’s license, they aren’t really going anywhere. Personally, I think they should call this “talking a lot more,” or “texting a lot more,” because that’s what they’re really doing.

3. “Dating.” This is for older youth who have driver’s licenses. If you’re older, you can go straight from “talking” to “dating.” Also, to further complicate things, you can be “dating” but not yet committed to “going out.” So in this scenario, you actually ARE going out, yet you are not officially “going out.”

To my daughters’ list of three levels, I would add a fourth level. If God leads you to Mr. Right, then at the proper time, you should move to a fourth level in a relationship:

4. “Married.” This is what happens when you decide to go out permanently.

I’m reminded of a conversation I once overheard in a flower shop just before Valentine’s Day. Some young men were in the shop, talking about their constantly changing girlfriends. An older man spoke up and said, “What you guys need to do is stop buying at the news stand and get a subscription.”

The Bible says, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18) and “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). That’s why I’m happy for my daughters. And I pray that after they are married, they don’t forget to keep dating, and going out, and talking. I know that if they do, their subscription will never run out.