Guest post: Learning to Dance with your Spouse Can Strengthen your Marriage
Guest article, Copyright by Dawn McDowell
Here are five reasons why this activity that has been growing in popularity in recent years can give your relationship a boost.
Millions of Americans tune in to Dancing With The Stars each week to watch celebrities waltz, tango and salsa in pursuit of the mirror-ball trophy. Many of the viewers have decided to give partner dancing a whirl themselves.
If you have not rushed out to your local ballroom dance studio with the throngs of others, I challenge you to consider it. Before you discount it, consider these five benefits of learning to dance with your spouse.
- Dance is a fun activity you and your spouse can do together.
To dance is to celebrate. Consider these biblical references:
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful. Jeremiah 31:4, NIV
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11, NLT
Be glad at such a time, and dance for joy; for your reward is great in Heaven. Luke 6:23a, Weymouth New Testament
Dancing is customary at many weddings and holiday socials — times of celebration. And it can be a source of joy and fun for your marriage.
“The enjoyable times we spend together are the lifeblood of a marriage,” writes Greg Smalley, in an online article on the Focus on the Family website. “In fact, while researching their book Fighting for Your Marriage, the authors discovered that ‘the amount of fun [couples] had together emerged as the strongest factor in producing their overall marital happiness.‘”
Engaging in fun activities together creates memories that can be enjoyed for years to come as you reflect on them.
- Learning to dance together can rekindle romance.
A study by social psychologists at the State University of New York at Stony Brook found that enjoying a new recreational activity with your spouse can rekindle the romance that brought you together in the first place.
“New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine,” writes Tara Parker-Pope in an online New York Times article reporting on the research. “These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner.”
“Every marriage could use more romance,” writes Neil Clark Warren in Catching the Rhythm of Love. “It weaves you together, soul to soul.”
If you and your spouse have dance experience, choose a new style of dance and reap the romantic benefits of learning something new together.
- Dancing is great exercise. It improves your health while it improves your relationship.
The health benefits of dancing can include losing weight, reducing the effects of stress, strengthening your heart, lifting your spirits, improving your balance, and increasing your flexibility and energy level.
In a guest post on simplemarriage.net, Sean Marshall, dates and romance columnist of Family Rocketship, includes dancing on his list of physical “date night” activities. “Dancing is a fantastic way to get to know each other’s bodies and work together to create something beautiful,” he writes. “Find a dance style that you both like and go for it.
“The goal is to achieve a happy and strong marriage,” Marshall writes. “Two healthy bodies sure help you achieve that worthy goal.”
- Dancing together increases intimacy.
Intimacy is the genuine closeness that can be developed in all dimensions of a marriage. Sharing experiences, conquering challenges and generally navigating life together over time contributes to this closeness.
In a post on his Complete Life Fitness blog, dance instructor Stuart Palmer describes observations that he and his wife Tracy have made in their students:
… we continue to see that couples who dance together generally have better relationships and deeper intimacy. Not only that, but just about every couple we’ve taught proclaims that learning to dance together parallels learning to have a better relationship. And it’s true; the couples that look the best on the dance floor have learned to be better partners. They understand their individual roles and know how to enhance their partnership.
- Dancing together provides a “living picture” of scriptural marriage.
I have devoted an entire blog to exploring this “living picture,” and I invite you to visit marriagedance.org. For a sneak preview, I provide these words from author Sheila Gregoire’s blog. She describes the experience of learning to dance with her husband:
It really does change your relationship. It makes you work together. It makes you smile.
In most areas of our lives today, the sexes are interchangeable. A woman can do whatever a man can do, and vice versa. Dancing is one of the few areas of life where you have to either be a man or be a woman. You each have very defined roles, and it reminds you that you are two very different halves of one whole.
… If you’ve ever longed to hear her [your wife] say, “You decide and I’ll follow,” you’ve got to hit the dance floor.
Dancing doesn’t work if she tries to take control. You [the man] really do get to decide pretty much everything. And once she realizes that it works better that way, she can be putty in your hands. Plus, it is awfully romantic.
While you get to feel like a man, she gets to feel like a princess as you twirl her around. … It’s about treating her like she’s precious, and showing her off to the world. What woman doesn’t want to be treated like that?
Scriptural marriage affirms the equal value of men and women. It describes distinctly different and complementary roles for each of them. It is a beautiful partnership that I believe can be more completely understood by learning to dance with your spouse.
Waltz. Tango. Polka. Square Dance. There are a multitude of dance styles from which you can choose one that suits your preferences. Engage with your spouse in this fun and active pursuit, and your marriage will reap the benefits.
About the author: Dawn McDowell is a freelance writer and avid social dancer who has studied and practiced ballroom and swing dancing for more than 15 years. Desiring to see Christian marriages strengthened for the glory of God, she created a workshop that incorporates dance instruction with a scripture study on marriage. For more information, visit marriagedance.org. This article was previously published in Marriage Magazine.
Four great children’s Christmas books
Parents and grandparents often look for great books to share with their children at Christmas. Here is what I consider to be four of the best children’s Christmas books. One is sentimental, some are humorous, and one will help a child deal with suffering.
One of my favorites is Alabaster’s Song: Christmas through the Eyes of an Angel by Max Lucado. It tells the story of a boy who believes he hears the angel on the Christmas tree singing. Then miraculously, the gap-toothed angel appears by the boy’s bedside, a boy like him, and tells him what it was like to sing to baby Jesus. Children of all ages will enjoy this book, but parents, watch out, because you may get a lump in your own throat at the way the story ends.
In my list of favorite children’s Christmas books, I have to include the classic book that I loved when I was a child, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, by Dr. Seuss. This beloved book has been made into a popular cartoon TV show, that includes the song, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” In recent years, a live-action movie was also made, but I still prefer the cartoon that follows the book word-for-word. It is hard to improve on the whimsical rhyme of Dr. Seuss.
Most readers already know the story, of how the Grinch couldn’t stand the noise that all the “Who’s down in Whoville” made on Christmas morning. So he decided to steal all of their toys on Christmas Eve. What he never anticipated was that they would still sing on Christmas morning without any presents at all. I love the climactic lines:
“It came without ribbons! It came without tags!/ It came without packages, boxes or bags!”/ And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. / Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!/ “Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store./ Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!”
The changed heart of the Grinch has put the word “Grinch” next to “Scrooge” in the Christmas vocabulary of the English language. Every child deserves a chance to hear a parent or grandparent read it to him or her directly from the book, and follow it with a heartfelt discussion about the real meaning of Christmas.
My third selection is Cajun Night Before Christmas, by “Trosclair,” edited by Howard Jacobs. This is a regional favorite in Louisiana, but I have read it to children in Georgia who loved it.
Imagine the famous poem, “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” told in the dialect of south Louisiana, with St. Nicholas gliding across the bayou, with “eight alligator a pullin’ a skiff.” Of course, the alligators have French names:
“Ha, Gaston! Ha, Tiboy! Ha, Pierre an’ Alcee’! Gee, Ninette! Gee, Suzette! Celeste an Renee’!”
I have read this story aloud to my family and to children in public schools over the years, and it always produces loud laughter, even among those who aren’t familiar with the Cajun culture. There have been many imitations of this book, such as the Cowboy Night Before Christmas and the Redneck Night Before Christmas. But none have surpassed the originality and pure fun of Cajun Night Before Christmas.
My final selection is All Is Well: A Story for Christmas, by Frank Peretti. Peretti is the best-selling author of the Christian thriller This Present Darkness, but he is also the author of one of the most touching Christmas books for children that I have ever read.
All Is Well is different from other children’s Christmas books for several reasons. It is on the reading level of an older child, perhaps about fifth grade. It is on the emotional level of a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet at Christmas. The story takes place in July, not during the Christmas season. Yet is most certainly a Christmas story, especially for those who going through tough times during the holidays.
If you are looking for a cute Christmas book for your child, this is not your book. But if you need encouragement to make it through Christmas, this may be the best book you could read, especially to a child who doesn’t understand why God is allows suffering and hard times.