Book review: “Love and Respect”


Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs is an extremely helpful Christian book on marriage. It was first published in 2004, and has sold over one million copies. My wife Mary and I listened to it together and we agreed he correctly understands the emotional needs of husbands and wives.

Eggerichs makes a great contribution to understanding marriage by his insight into the importance of taking Ephesians 5:33 literally: “Let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The author points out that the greatest emotional need of the wife is for love, and the greatest emotional need of the husband is respect.

He gives specific ways that men can show love to their wives, and wives show respect to their husbands, to avoid the “crazy cycle,” as he calls it, of each spouse withholding what the other needs because of not getting what they themselves need. He speaks of the “energizing cycle” when spouses meet the need of the other. He concludes by emphasizing that the motivation of a Christian to meet the need of his or her spouse should be obedience to Christ, which he calls the “reward cycle.”

About Bob Rogers

Hospital chaplain in Mississippi. Adjunct history professor (online). Formerly a pastor for 33 years in Mississippi and Georgia. Avid cyclist.

Posted on November 25, 2018, in Bible teaching, Books, Christian Living, Family and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Esthetics says wives must have a loving and respectful demeanor with their abusive husbands. Why on earth would you recommend the book or raise attention for the author?

  2. I meant Eggerichs .

    • Kate,
      Eggerichs is clear in the book that wives should remove themselves from danger of abusive husbands. My wife and I listened through the audio of the entire book, and nowhere did I or my wife get the impression that he encouraged tolerating abuse. Can you cite a specific quote that illustrates this?

      • His most recent post on his website. The wife may lovingly and respectfully question the abuse of course. I have never cared for the book. I have also read the book. His latest post on his website displays an incredible amount of arrogance.

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