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7 ways to control social media before it controls you

media

Copyright by Bob Rogers.

Social media such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have become major addictions for millions of people. Research shows that in 2018, the average person spent 2 hours, 16 minutes (136 minutes) a day on social media and similar platforms, and the numbers are increasing every year! Social media can be good, as it helps families and friends who are far apart stay in touch, but it can also be the source of adultery, bullying, political bickering, and other harmful practices. A wise person learns to control social media before it controls them. Here are seven ways:

  1. Set time limits and “off limits” times. You can adjust your settings on Facebook and Instagram so that they will notify you when you have been on the site for a certain amount of time. (I set mine to remind me at 30 minutes.) Stay off social media while at work or school. If people send you messages during work or school hours, wait until later to respond, and let them know that you are unavailable during work or class. When sitting down at a meal, agree with family and friends to put away your phones. Have “family time” that is off-limits to social media, such as 6-8 p.m.  daily-time-spent-social-networking
  2. Take precautions with the opposite sex. Social media is an easy medium for people of the opposite sex to have private conversations. Thus, married and engaged people in particular need to be intentional about taking precautions. My pastor, Dr. David Whitten, recommends that husbands and wives set up a joint account, or that they not make “friends” with the opposite sex unless they have a good reason for doing so, such as their own family members. Give your spouse your password, and give your spouse permission to approve or veto your friendship with members of the opposite sex.
  3. Turn off notifications. Tony Reinke in his book, 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You, points out that a major reason for the addiction is how people get self-esteem from how many “Likes” they get. Some have suffered anxiety and depression if they fail to get the “Likes” they desire. Turning off the notifications shuts off these messages—it’s like throwing away the needle for a drug addict.
  4. Make spiritual disciplines a priority. When you rise in the morning, get out your Bible instead of your phone, and get on your knees to pray instead of getting on the computer to play. Make this your daily habit.
  5. Have a “day off” and a Sabbatical from social media. Christian blogger Tim Challies takes one day a week and one week a year to be completely off social media. If you don’t feel you can take an entire day, try staying off for 12 hours straight, and then lengthen the time the next week.
  6. Delete social media from your phone, and only use it on your computer. This is an excellent way to force yourself to stay off social media when at work, eating out, etc. Let people know that if they need to reach you, they can text or call!
  7. Set other healthy goals and pursue them. Keep a good book (and The Good Book) handy and set goals for minutes reading. Get a bicycle, join a gym, go walking, plant a garden, and make these healthy exercises a priority. The best way to overcome a bad addiction is to acquire a healthy addiction!
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Question about divorce

Copyright 2012 by Bob Rogers

I received the following question by email from someone from another church who has granted permission for me to post the question and my reply:
“I have consulted my pastor and other pastors concerning our Baptist teachings about divorce and remain confused. I am divorced. I made an oath at my wedding of “til death do us part” and finished with “so help me God.” Even though adultery entered my spouse’s life, do I remain bound by my oath? Did you do a blog on this topic? Or, better yet … will you do one and let me know.”

Dear Friend,
I understand that you are already divorced, apparently because of your spouse’s adultery, and your question is, “do I remain bound by my oath?”
It appears there are two parts to your question. First, the question of whether your divorce was permissable, and second, the question of whether you are free to remarry. So let’s take the two issues separately:
1. The question of permissable divorce. According to Jesus’ statement in Matthew 5:32, adultery is a permissable reason for divorce. Thus if your spouse committed adultery, you did have biblical grounds for divorce. The other biblical ground for divorce is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15, when one spouse is an unbeliever and leaves.
(I would caution readers, however, that just because your spouse commits adultery or leaves you for a time does not mean that you should rush into a divorce. If at all possible, you should seek a counselor and seek restoration in your marriage. I have known couples who suffered adultery and other problems in their relationship who were able to experience repentance, forgiveness and restoration.
The second caution I would give to readers is that if you are suffering physical abuse or severe verbal abuse, you may need to remove yourself from your home to an undisclosed location for your own safety.)

2. The question of remarriage after divorce. You mentioned “our Baptist teachings about divorce.” While I am glad to be a Baptist, we must make certain that our teachings come from the Bible, not Baptist tradition or any other tradition that contradicts scripture.
Jesus recognized the fact that the woman at the well had five husbands, although she was cohabitating with the man she was with at the time she met Jesus, and that man was not her husband (John 4:17-18). By this statement, Jesus recognized each of these five marriages as true marriages.
A common “Baptist teaching” about Matthew 5:32 is that it bans remarriage after divorce, because it says that anyone who divorces his wife causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
However, the New Testament Greek verb used in the original text used the passive voice, which means the subject receives the action, rather than causing the action. In other words, divorce is a stigma that the husband puts on his wife by divorcing her. It is something the first husband does to the woman and the man she remarries. The stigma is being divorced and being married to a divorced person. Notice in the verse that the stigma occurs whether or not there is ever a remarriage, because it says “anyone who divorces his wife… causes her to become an adulteress.” Notice he causes the adultery before any remarriage. It could be translated, that he adulterizes her. This is referring to the stigma of divorce. It is interesting that the 2011 revision of the New International Version translates Matthew 5:32, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery…”
I recognize that this is a controversial passage, and there are differences of opinion about it, but I do not think the scripture teaches that remarriage after divorce is automatically a sin.