Copyright by Rodger Moore
(The following guest post was written by Rodger Moore, who serves as a hospital chaplain at the same facility where I work. He has graciously agreed to share his column with this blog. May his words of wisdom be help to all who deal with pain.)
Lately I have been thinking about the issue of pain– perhaps because of the pain I see and hear of as I visit patients in the hospital. As a matter of fact, it seems as though everyone inside and outside of the hospital is struggling with some pain issue. It’s unusual for pain in one form or another to not be a topic of conversation whenever I visit someone.
Naturally, there are the obvious issues with physical pain of the body, but it doesn’t stop there. There are also the issues of emotional and spiritual pain. Not to diminish physical pain, but more and more it seems that emotional and spiritual pain issues are more prevalent; and in many cases, they can transpose into a physical issue with the body. When you resolve the issues behind emotional and spiritual pain, the power of physical pain is often broken. The physical issue of the body may remain, but its power is shattered. In these instances, the pain can then be better managed and/or more tolerable.
Because of the human condition, pain has become a universal element of life. Think about it; everyone who has existed has struggled with pain in one form or another. Even Jesus experienced pain! (He wept over Jerusalem, went to the Garden of Gethsemane, and ultimately experienced the passion, culminating in the crucifixion.)
We have to learn how to deal with our pain; otherwise, it is only a matter of time until all the negative influences of that pain build chains of bondage– link by link– until we are powerless to manage or break what can become the driving influence of our existence. And then we begin to empty all of it on the people and world around us.
Yes, everyone has pain and it will change you. So, the question becomes, “What are you going to do with your pain?” Will you dump it on others or will you use it to benefit yourself and others? The Apostle Paul was confronted with just such a choice. In the Bible, we find that on three occasions he asked the Lord to remove his “thorn of flesh,” but it was never removed. Instead, God told Paul, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Paul’s response to this wasn’t bitterness or defeat. On the contrary, he decides to rejoice (see 2 Corinthians 12:7-9). What will be your response to the pain you are experiencing?
As I close, I find myself continually referring to the words of 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” May the Lord bring the touch of His grace to our pain and may we receive the transforming power of His touch upon our pain. Amen.
Are you ticked off? Angry? Has something made you hot under the collar? In John 9, the Bible tells the story of how Jesus healed a man who was born blind, but instead of people celebrating, he got nitpickers, wound lickers, goodness sakers… and finally, an arm waver. Compare your own attitude with theirs:
1. Nitpickers (John 9:14-16)
The Pharisees nitpicked about how Jesus supposedly “worked” on the Sabbath because he made some mud with His saliva, touched a blind man’s eyes, and healed him. The Jewish Mishnah did not allow kneading dough on the Sabbath, and so in their minds, what Jesus did qualified as a violation. Never mind that a blind man could now see! Nitpickers love to burst the balloons of our celebrations, observing at a wedding that the bride needs to lose weight, criticizing a child for not making all A’s on his report card, complaining about the songs we sing at church. Don’t be a nitpicker!
2. Wound lickers (John 9:18-19)
The Pharisees could not leave well enough alone. They summoned the man’s parents to know if he was really born blind and how he received his sight. They wanted to expose some imaginary wrong. Wound lickers refuse to let others or themselves heal. The husband who always brings up his wife’s past mistakes, the woman who says after a divorce that she will never trust a man again, or the church member who says he’ll never go back to the church because nobody called when he was sick, are all examples of wound lickers. Scarred by emotional wounds, we cannot heal if we continue to lick them and gnaw at them. Don’t be a wound licker!
3. Goodness sakers (John 9:28)
Finally, the Pharisees crossed their arms, and looked down their noses, ridiculing Jesus and the man He healed. They said, “We know that God has spoken to Moses. But this man– we don’t know where He’s from!” Ray Stevens had a humorous song, “Mississippi Squirrel Revival,” with a character named Sister Bertha Better-than-You. Unfortunately, there are a lot of sisters and brothers like Bertha in our churches, putting their hands on their hips and declaring, “For goodness sake, who let those people in here?” Being a goodness saker is the greatest temptation of church members, and it is the biggest turnoff to the lost. For goodness sake, don’t be a goodness saker!
4. Arm wavers (John 9:38)
It’s stunning that this story is almost over before somebody finally celebrates. The arm waver is the man who was healed of blindness. It progressively comes to him throughout the chapter, as he realized just who Jesus is. He calls Jesus a “man” (v. 11), then a “prophet” (v. 17), then recognizes Jesus as a life changer (v. 25), then a “man from God” (v. 33), and finally he calls Him “Lord” (v. 38) and does a full body wave, worshiping at Jesus’ feet. He challenges the nitpickers and goodness sakers, reminding them that nobody in history has healed a man born blind. He declared, “Whether or not He’s a sinner, I don’t know. One thing I do know: I was blind, and now I can see!” (v. 25).
How we need arm wavers. These are the people who cheer for their child’s Little League team when they down by ten runs, and praise the grandchildren for their creative coloring (even though they colored on the wall). They are the ones who jump up and shout when someone trusts in Christ and is baptized. In heaven, nobody will be nit picking (“I don’t like my mansion”), wound licking (“I see your husband didn’t make it”), or goodness saking (“I’ve got a better mansion than you”), but all will be arm waving before the throne of God. So if that’s what we’ll do in heaven, why don’t we live like that on earth?
When Will I Stop Hurting? Dealing with a Recent Death by June Cerza Kolf is one of the most helpful, compassionate books I have read to comfort someone who is grieving. As a pastor, I have given several resources to people to help them with the grieving process. A church member who had lost her mother told me that this book was even more helpful to her than what I had given her, so I had to read it myself. Now I see why. Kolf writes as someone who not only understands the grief process, but has experienced it herself. She has a wonderful balance of encouragement and specific, practical advice. It is a resource that a grieving person will want to keep nearby to refer to again and again, and share with others.
The book is divided into three chapters: The Wound, The Flood, and the Rainbow. The first chapter, “The Wound,” explains the hurt and feelings of grief. Grieving readers will find themselves saying, “Yep, that’s me.” Yet they will find it comforting to see how what they are experiencing is normal, and they are not going crazy.
The second chapter, “The Flood,” explains the stages of grief and gives practical advice about making decisions and taking care of oneself through that process.
The third chapter, “The Rainbow,” is an inspiring and practical explanation of how one let’s go of grief and moves on in life.
There is an appendix that gives nearly 20 exercises with a “To Do” list to handle guilt, crying, loss of sleep, remembering your loved one, etc.
However, as good as this book is, I feel that Kolf could have strengthened the book with comforting scripture. She does mention two Bible verses, and talks about God throughout the book. On page 41, she gently recommends “a divine friend who loves me no matter what…This friend, Jesus, is available to everyone through prayer.” Since she chose to mention her faith, she could have strengthened this by citing scripture such as Jesus’ words about being with us and preparing a place in heaven (John 14:1-6), Paul’s words about finding comfort in God by comforting others (2 Corinthians 1:6), or Kind David’s beloved Shepherd’s Psalm, Psalm 23. I have seen people physically relax upon hearing the Twenty-third Psalm. Scriptures such as these could make this wonderful, helpful book even more “hope-ful” to the grieving reader.
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