Category Archives: Family
Valentine’s Day and the Preacher’s Daughters
I always thought that I was romantic. But having two attractive young daughters has taught me that I have a lot to learn about romance. (Sorry, guys, they’re both taken—both are now married.) According to my daughters, there are three different levels in a boy-girl relationship:
1. “Talking.” If you’re “talking,” it means you’re interested in each other, but you’re not committed to being boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re free to talk to others. A lot of this “talking” is actually “typing,” because they often do it by texting on their cell phones.
2. “Going out.” This means a commitment to being boyfriend and girlfriend. My generation called this “going steady,” but today’s teens call it “going out.” The only problem is, if they don’t have a driver’s license, they aren’t really going anywhere. Personally, I think they should call this “talking a lot more,” or “texting a lot more,” because that’s what they’re really doing.
3. “Dating.” This is for older youth who have driver’s licenses. If you’re older, you can go straight from “talking” to “dating.” Also, to further complicate things, you can be “dating” but not yet committed to “going out.” So in this scenario, you actually ARE going out, yet you are not officially “going out.”
To my daughters’ list of three levels, I would add a fourth level. If God leads you to Mr. Right, then at the proper time, you should move to a fourth level in a relationship:
4. “Married.” This is what happens when you decide to go out permanently.
I’m reminded of a conversation I once overheard in a flower shop just before Valentine’s Day. Some young men were in the shop, talking about their constantly changing girlfriends. An older man spoke up and said, “What you guys need to do is stop buying at the news stand and get a subscription.”
The Bible says, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18) and “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). That’s why I’m happy for my daughters. And I pray that after they are married, they don’t forget to keep dating, and going out, and talking. I know that if they do, their subscription will never run out.
Why Men Hate Going to Church
It has always concerned me that there are more women than men in church, which is why I was eager to read Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.
Murrow says that men like challenge and taking risks, but Christians have made church a place of nurturing and building relationships.
Murrow says that there are three gender gaps in the church: the gap of presence, the gap of participation, and the gap of personality.
The Gap of Presence: He says that in the USA, 61% of the church attendees are women, but only 39% are men. This trend is also found in other nations around the world. Interestingly, nondenominational churches had the smallest gap, while the biggest gap was found in Episcopal Churches.
The Gap of Participation: He says that women are 57% more likely to participate in Sunday School, and 33% more likely to volunteer for a church than men. Christian book sales are 75% to women, and the Christian radio audience is 63% female.
The Gap of Personality: He says that while 62% of the general population has a passive personality, 85% of Christians have passive personalities. There are greater numbers of artistic and homosexual men in church than the general population, but lower numbers of what he calls “risk takers, fun lovers and dangerous men.”
After I read this book a few years ago, I asked readers on a previous blog to tell me why they thought fewer men went to church. I received over 100 comments in one week! Here are the top reasons they gave:
1) Failure to let men lead. This may be controversial, but it was the most-often mentioned reason, both from men and women who commented. Many blamed women who would not let men be leaders in church. Others, especially men, blamed the men for not taking their leadership role.
2) Overemphasis on relationships. Women are social beings who cherish relationships; men not so much. It is interesting that this was the most common answer given by women who shared why their husbands did not come, but it was also mentioned by several men. Telling men they need a “personal relationship” with Jesus and “fall in love with Jesus” does not appeal to men as much as it does to women.
3) Overemphasis on sensitivity. “Gentle Jesus, meek and mild” and “sharing what’s on your heart” may make a man feel like he is stripped of his masculinity.
4) Not enough action. Most men want to be active; they don’t want to just sit and listen to a long sermon. They want to do things. David Murrow says, “men learn side by side, women learn face to face.” That’s why he recommends women have a conference to learn together, but men go fishing or hiking or build something together.
5) Men lack spirituality. Several who gave comments, mostly men, seem to blame men for lacking spirituality.
6) Need a challenge. This answer came almost exclusively from men. Several men mentioned that men need to be challenged.
7) Music is too feminine. This was another answer given by men themselves. They feel that too many songs are about “loving Jesus” in ways that are very feminine and the lyrics are words men would never say to another man.
So what do you think? Leave me a comment and join the conversation.
Top Ten Things NOT to Give for Mother’s Day
Copyright 2012 by Bob Rogers
Like many men, I am not a very good gift-giver. I wait until the last minute and run out to Wal-Mart. Or I get a gift that I think she wants, instead of what she really wants. When I was a young husband, I got my wife an iron for her birthday. It’s due to God’s grace and my wife’s patience that we’re still married. Some men reading this just asked, “What’s so bad about giving her an iron?” So for you guys who don’t know any better, here is a list of the Top Ten Things NOT to give your mother on Mother’s Day:
10. A plaque from Kroger that says “World’s Greatest Mom.”
9. A “God Loves Mothers” ballpoint pen that they give out at church on Mother’s Day.
8. A membership at the YMCA.
7. A toaster.
6. A mop and a broom.
5. Exercise equipment.
4. A new shotgun.
3. Ammunition for the new shotgun.
2. Taking her to a wrestling match.
1. An Extra Large white T-shirt from Wal-Mart that says “World’s Greatest Mom.”
Okay if these gifts are so bad, what are the Top Ten GOOD gifts for Mother’s Day?
Here are the Top Ten GOOD Gifts for Mother’s Day:
10. Flowers
9. A new Bible
8. A gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure.
7. Take her out to eat.
6. If you can’t see her on Mother’s Day, call her and talk to her a long time and let her know you love her.
5. Take her on a surprise trip to see her mother.
4. A handmade gift from her children.
3. Dress the kids, take them to get their picture, and then frame the photo and give it to Mom.
2. Have Dad and all the children go to church with Mom and sit with her in church.
1. Clean the house, have Dad and the kids cook at home, and let Mom relax with all the family there.
Tattoo or not tattoo?
With permission to share, below is a question about tattoos from some college students, followed by my reply.
Hey Brother Bob! I wanted to get your opinion. We were discussing whether or not it is a sin to get a tattoo. One of the verses brought up was about keeping your body holy and the thought process was that any permanent markings (piercing of any kind, tattoos, etc) was making the temple unholy. Another thought process put on the table was that tattoos were ok except memorial tattoos because that is specifically what Leviticus said the pagans did to mourn their dead and we shouldn’t do that. Another thought was even Christian tattoos (i.e. crosses, Jesus fishes, etc) weren’t cool because its too much like trying to be like the world. The other thought was that as long as it was easily coverable (so as not to offend and turn off the lost), you didn’t do it because everyone else was or it became an obsession and it was something you really thought about and talked to God about, it was ok. Lastly, the thought that it was just like picking out clothes, not that big of a deal and no need to even consult Scripture… I just wanted to ask you how Scripture spoke to this issue…
My reply:
On the subject of tattoos, I would basically agree with the second view, that “memorial tattoos” violate Leviticus 19:28: “‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.”
We have to be careful about projecting our cultural viewpoint on this issue, and make sure that we are following scripture, not tradition. The views that permanent markings make the temple of your body unholy, or that it is too much like trying to be like the world, are viewpoints that make an assumption that all tattoos are unholy and worldly. What evidence is there that all tattoos are unholy and worldly, other than tradition and personal preference? Similarly, some would point to Leviticus 19:28 and say the Bible says not to put tattoo marks on yourselves, but if you read the context, it is referring to tattoo markings as a memorial to the dead in pagan practice, just as you mentioned in your email. If someone insisted on a blanket ban on all tattoos based on Leviticus 19:28, to be consistent he would also have to ban all haircuts based on the previous verse, which says “do not cut off the hair at the sides of your head…” Without looking at the background, one might assume this forbids haircuts, but from Leviticus 21:5, 1 Kings 18:28 we can determine that this was a pagan practice, and the concern was to avoid a pagan practice.
Most people would agree that haircuts are permitted, but if there was a haircut commonly done to worship some false god, then we should avoid that. For example, Christians in Thailand would want to avoid getting haircuts that look like Buddhist monks.
If you apply this same logic to Leviticus 19:28, then you would have to say that the Bible is not necesssarily banning all tattoos, but it is warning against pagan tattoos. Deuteronomy 14:1-2 and Jeremiah 48:37 also refer to cutting of the body as common in pagan religion, so it would appear that this was the problem with tattoos in Leviticus 19:28. So basically, I would agree with the second viewpoint in your email.
Two other points to consider about tattoos:
1) Tattoos should be done by a professional, to avoid health risks. (Remember, the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.)
2) Tattoos should not be placed on private body parts (breast, buttocks, etc.) by a person of the opposite sex, as this is immodest and sexually provocative contact between the sexes.
3) Remember that scripture teaches us not to do something which would cause your brother or sister in Christ to stumble (see Romans 14, especially verse 21.) That’s why, in my personal opinion, tattoos that can be covered by normal clothing are preferable. In a follow-up email with the student, I discovered that this subject came up because of a desire to put a tattoo on the foot with the words “Send Me” as a reminder to go where God would send, based on Romans 10:15. Certainly a tattoo like this that reminds a person of his or her calling and is covered and does not call attention to oneself cannot be said to be unholy. In fact, its very holy, indeed!
Question about divorce
Copyright 2012 by Bob Rogers
I received the following question by email from someone from another church who has granted permission for me to post the question and my reply:
“I have consulted my pastor and other pastors concerning our Baptist teachings about divorce and remain confused. I am divorced. I made an oath at my wedding of “til death do us part” and finished with “so help me God.” Even though adultery entered my spouse’s life, do I remain bound by my oath? Did you do a blog on this topic? Or, better yet … will you do one and let me know.”
Dear Friend,
I understand that you are already divorced, apparently because of your spouse’s adultery, and your question is, “do I remain bound by my oath?”
It appears there are two parts to your question. First, the question of whether your divorce was permissable, and second, the question of whether you are free to remarry. So let’s take the two issues separately:
1. The question of permissable divorce. According to Jesus’ statement in Matthew 5:32, adultery is a permissable reason for divorce. Thus if your spouse committed adultery, you did have biblical grounds for divorce. The other biblical ground for divorce is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15, when one spouse is an unbeliever and leaves.
(I would caution readers, however, that just because your spouse commits adultery or leaves you for a time does not mean that you should rush into a divorce. If at all possible, you should seek a counselor and seek restoration in your marriage. I have known couples who suffered adultery and other problems in their relationship who were able to experience repentance, forgiveness and restoration.
The second caution I would give to readers is that if you are suffering physical abuse or severe verbal abuse, you may need to remove yourself from your home to an undisclosed location for your own safety.)
2. The question of remarriage after divorce. You mentioned “our Baptist teachings about divorce.” While I am glad to be a Baptist, we must make certain that our teachings come from the Bible, not Baptist tradition or any other tradition that contradicts scripture.
Jesus recognized the fact that the woman at the well had five husbands, although she was cohabitating with the man she was with at the time she met Jesus, and that man was not her husband (John 4:17-18). By this statement, Jesus recognized each of these five marriages as true marriages.
A common “Baptist teaching” about Matthew 5:32 is that it bans remarriage after divorce, because it says that anyone who divorces his wife causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
However, the New Testament Greek verb used in the original text used the passive voice, which means the subject receives the action, rather than causing the action. In other words, divorce is a stigma that the husband puts on his wife by divorcing her. It is something the first husband does to the woman and the man she remarries. The stigma is being divorced and being married to a divorced person. Notice in the verse that the stigma occurs whether or not there is ever a remarriage, because it says “anyone who divorces his wife… causes her to become an adulteress.” Notice he causes the adultery before any remarriage. It could be translated, that he adulterizes her. This is referring to the stigma of divorce. It is interesting that the 2011 revision of the New International Version translates Matthew 5:32, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery…”
I recognize that this is a controversial passage, and there are differences of opinion about it, but I do not think the scripture teaches that remarriage after divorce is automatically a sin.
Guest blog: “A Week in the Life of a Georgia Tech Baseball Radio Announcer (and Student)”
(Below is a guest blog from my son, R. Wade Rogers. He is a student at Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta. This is the third installment of three guest blogs from my three children.)
I’m a 2nd year student at Georgia Tech and majoring in Business Administration. I am also a Baseball Announcer for WREK- 91.1 FM, the student radio station at Georgia Tech, and a huge sports fan.
Sunday, February 12, 2012:
Weather in Atlanta is in the 20s, so I have a heavy coat with me as I leave for Grace Midtown Church in the morning. Worship this morning is great and the sermon continues a series on Proverbs that has been going on this semester with a study of Proverbs 7. The head pastor is 28 years old and he is out this Sunday after the birth of his first child, so the message is delivered by an associate pastor. (Well over half of the people that attend the church are under 30 and there are a lot of college students, especially from Georgia Tech, which is nearby. Despite the predominately young congregation, people of all ages attend.)
After church, I go to Russ Chandler Stadium, home of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Baseball team. I help my radio partner, Nolan Alexander, to add some decorations to the home radio booth. Today’s task is drilling in a bookshelf. We also practice a few innings of play-by-play, while the team scrimmages before the start of the 2012 season on Friday. (All of the Georgia Tech Baseball games can be heard on WREK 91.1 FM in Atlanta and WREK.org online. I am scheduled to announce at least 25 games this season after calling 11 games my freshman year.)
After I arrive back home, I spend the rest of the afternoon and night studying. I have an unusually busy week ahead with four tests and a weekend of baseball to prepare for.
Monday, February 13, 2012:
I wake up at 7:30 planning on heading to campus to help work on some technical aspects for our radio broadcast, but I get a text saying that it is covered. That means I get to spend the next few hours for some more studying. I have two tests today and I sandwich a nap in between them. After my last test, I get dinner at my apartment, watch TV, and just relax for a little while. At 7:00, I make one last trip for the day to campus, this time to the radio station, for our last formal Baseball Broadcasters’ Meeting to go over the equipment setup. After the meeting, I get some more studying in for my next test.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012:
I’m up early today at 6:30 to eat breakfast and get ready for class. I have one class at 8:00 and then a test after that. For the second straight day, I get a nice nap during the afternoon. I have one more class at 3:00, but when I get home after that class, I’m all studied out. Three of my four tests for the week are out of the way, so I am relaxing tonight.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012:
I get to sleep-in until about 11:00 today, but then I have a pair of classes separated by a two and a half hour break. After my last class ends at 5:00, I get some dinner at Chick-fil-A in the Student Center and head up to the radio station. I’m filling in as producer for the Ramblin’ Wreck Report and tonight we have our annual Baseball Preview Show. Our guests are Georgia Tech 1B/LHP Jake Davies and our closer RHP Luke Bard. (They happen to be the only current Jackets with brothers currently playing in the major leagues. Kyle Davies P for the Royals and Daniel Bard P for the Red Sox). After the show, I go home for a little bit, but I go back to campus for a bible study at 9:00. I catch a ride back to my place afterwards and study for a little while before going to bed.
Thursday, February 16, 2012:
I have a pair of classes starting at 8:00 A.M. again. In between class, I head home to study for my last test of the week, but I get a text from a friend letting me know that the Atlanta Braves are handing out applications for summer jobs in the Student Center. I head back to the school earlier than usual to try and see if I can talk to someone from the Braves and see what kind of positions they were offering, but apparently they have already left, so I move my study station over to the library. I take my last test of the week in my last class of the week and head home to pack. Around 6:30, Nolan and I gather our equipment and hit the road for Rock Hill, South Carolina, where Georgia Tech is scheduled to play four games in the Coca-Cola Classic at Winthrop University against both Winthrop and Kent State. On the way, we make an extended stop at Nolan’s house for a delicious home-cooked meal. We get to the hotel around 12:30, where we are greeted by a pair of avid, older Tech Baseball fans, who are hanging around the lobby. They talk to us for a while before we finally get away and get to sleep after 1:00.
Friday, February 17, 2012:
We arrive at Winthrop Ballpark around 11:00, three hours before first pitch, to set up our equipment and prepare for an opening day doubleheader. In the first game, we have some frustrating technical issues, but eventually we get the issue resolved. It is a tough first game for the Jackets as well vs. Kent State. The Golden Flashes All-American P David Starn pitches eight shutout innings only allowing four singles, as Tech loses 5-0.
Second game goes better for us in the booth and on the field. Matthew Grimes pitches seven innings and only allows one hit and Zane Evans pitches two perfect innings to lead Tech to a 5-0 win over Winthrop.
Saturday, February 18, 2012:
At the hotel in the morning, we hear that there have been a few changes to the schedule because of weather expected tonight and tomorrow. Our game scheduled for today is moved up from 1:00 to noon and our game scheduled for tomorrow is moved to 7:00 tonight. The noon game goes by very quickly and the broadcast is even better than the day before. Tech gets revenge against Kent State winning 6-2, as Daniel Palka homers and scores four runs.
In between games Nolan and I get some lunch away from the ballpark and head back to the hotel for a break. Will Long, another Tech baseball announcer, made the trip up for the day to Rock Hill, where he worked last summer broadcasting for the Carolina Stingers of the Southern Collegiate Baseball League. As we arrive back at the ballpark we hear that our second game has been moved up an additional hour to try and beat the rain. We get set up just in time for the first pitch. Will and Nolan do play-by-play and I rotate in to do some color broadcasting for the final game of the weekend. Tech beats Winthrop again, this time 5-3, to start the season 3-1.
Sunday, February 19, 2012:
The team headed back last night, but Nolan and I stayed at the hotel. The weather forecasts were correct as it is a rainy day in Rock Hill that would not have been conducive for baseball. We check out of the hotel and make the drive back to Atlanta after a very successful first weekend of college baseball. I arrive back at my place around 4:00 and relax as I get set for another less busy week of school with more baseball.
As you can see, my schedule as a college student can be very busy at times, but I am challenging myself with school and getting some great opportunities to be involved with things that I love.
[Wade is announcing tonight’s home game against Ohio State.]
Guest blog: “Comparing life on the Mississippi and Georgia coasts”
(Below is a guest blog from my daughter, Lauren Rogers Knight. She met her husband Philip when they both lived on the coast of Georgia, but after they got married, they moved to their current home on the Mississippi coast. This is the second installment of three guest blogs from my three children.)
My dad asked me to write about the differences in life on the Mississippi gulf coast and life on the coast in Savannah, Georgia.
I think the first difference to note would have to be the reason each of them are tourist destinations. Savannah is a beautiful historic city, with huge beautiful trees, parks, and historic buildings. Tourists come to walk through the squares, along River Street, and visit historic sites like Civil War forts, cemeteries, and churches. On the Mississippi gulf coast, the beach is the attraction. Everything that people come to the coast for is right there along the beach. The huge attraction here is the casinos. There are also some really well-known family owned restaurants that people travel to the coast for.
Also, the weather concerns are another big difference. Both areas are hot and humid, but on the Mississippi gulf coast hurricanes and flooding are huge concerns. In Georgia, hurricanes are a threat, but not a huge concern. On the Mississippi gulf coast, insurance and property taxes prices are very high, especially if you live south of Interstate-10.
Although seafood is obviously popular in both places, there is more of a Cajun influence on the Mississippi gulf coast. Gumbo and poboys are very popular here. Catfish is also extremely popular here in Mississippi. In fact, it is not uncommon to find a catfish restaurant or “catfish house” where it is the only thing on the menu. I remember that in Savannah “low country boil” was popular. That usually includes shrimp, corn, and sausage.
In Savannah, you get out of school for St. Patrick’s Day. On the Mississippi gulf coast, you get out of school for Mardi Gras.
The last difference I can think of is time zone difference. In Georgia, people eat around 7pm, and the local news comes on at 11pm. Here on the coast people do everything earlier. We have usually already eaten by the time 7pm rolls around, and the local news comes on at 10pm.
So whether you’re into catfish or low country boil, beaches or history, Mardi Gras or St. Patrick’s Day, both places are great to visit or reside in!
Guest Blog: “The Gift of Being a New Mother”
(Below is a guest blog from my daughter, Melissa Rogers Dalton. This is the first installment of three guest blogs from my three children.)
How exciting! This is my first guest blog post, and I’m very flattered that my dad asked me to share. We pick on him that he doesn’t like to give up his pulpit, so if his blog is any relation, it’s a real honor (even if I am family). Love you, daddy!
Well, I was asked to share about being a new mom almost a month ago, and I thought it would be easy to sit down and write it. I forgot that I was a NEW mom, and babies set the schedule. I guess I’ll start by sharing a little about myself. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, Steven, for almost 6 years now, and we had our first child, Keagan, on December 16, 2011. I’ve been on maternity leave since then, but I went back to work on Monday, February 13 (I teach 4th grade) and will now face a whole new set of challenges. I’m nervous about it but ready to get into some sort of routine.
I’ve always known I wanted kids one day, but for years I joked that I wanted to adopt one that was potty-trained. Babies are cute, but they’ve always scared me a little. They can’t tell you what they want, keep you up at night, and I hate changing diapers! However, I’ve been seeing friend after friend become a new mommy, and my biological clock actually started to tick almost 2 years ago (I never thought it would). Steven wasn’t ready yet, and we wanted to be a little more financially stable, so we waited. When we found out we were expecting last May, both of us were thrilled and couldn’t wait to welcome our little one into the world. To make it even better, our entire small group at church was expecting as well, so we had friends to literally go through the process with us.
Since Keagan has arrived, I’m amazed how much love I have for him. He could do anything or do absolutely nothing and I still have an overwhelming amount of love for him. Even when I’m up four times in the night because he wants to snack on his bottle instead of having one good feed, all he has to do is let me hold him and my heart melts. I think he’s the most adorable little boy in the world, and it’s so cool that I can actually call him “mine”.
Don’t misunderstand me: it’s been a challenge to be a mom. Like I said earlier, sleep is constantly interrupted. I can’t just go do whatever I want whenever I want. I feel like all I do is feed him. I’ve been peed on AND pooped on multiple times. And, on a more vain note, I’m 5 sizes bigger than I used to be, and it seems like the weight will never come off.
But then I remember that God CHOSE to bless me with a child. He felt that I was worthy enough to entrust with the care of one of his own. This is a gift that is not bestowed to everyone, and I fully intend to be the best mom that I can be! It is a top priority that Keagan be taken care of to the best of my ability AND that I raise him in a Christian home that instills the values and priorities that Keagan will need to grow up as a strong Christian man. Our parents did a wonderful job with both of us. Now it’s our turn!
Guest blogs coming from my children
Mary and I have three children, and we are very proud of all three of them. In the next few days, I will be posting guest blogs by each of them, from the oldest to the youngest.
Our daughter, Melissa Rogers Dalton, is a graduate of Effingham County High School and Mercer University, and is earning a master’s degree from Longwood University. Melissa is married to Steven Dalton of Mechanicsville, Virginia, where they now live. Steven is a child labor investigator for the Virginia Department of Labor. Melissa teaches fourth grade at New Kent Elementary School, and she gave birth to our first grandson, Keagan Dalton, on December 16. She will be writing about how it feels to be a new mother.
Our daughter, Lauren Rogers Knight, is a graduate of Effingham County High School and Mississippi College and is married to Philip “Pip” Knight of Rincon. They live in Gulfport, Mississippi. Pip is an air traffic controller at the Gulfport airport, and Lauren is a service representative for Million Air, a full based operation for private planes, and she is an independent consultant for Rodan and Fields. Lauren will write about the differences and similarity of living on the Georgia coast and the Mississippi coast.
Our son, Wade Rogers, is a graduate of Effingham County High School and is a second year student at Georgia Tech, majoring in business administration. He works at WREK, the student radio station, and announces Georgia Tech baseball games on the radio. Wade will be writing about a week in the life of a college student.
Bob Rogers 