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10 church sayings and what they really mean

TalkingInChurch

Copyright by Bob Rogers

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” – Matthew 27:46, ESV

 

From time to time, the Bible quotes a phrase, and then explains what it really means. Wouldn’t it be interesting if we did the same thing with what people say in church? Here are ten common sayings heard in church, and what they really mean:

 

Original language:

“We really appreciate the sound crew.”

Translation:

“The sound crew messed up again. Let’s stare at them together.”

 

Original language:

“I need to share a private prayer request.”

Translation:

“I’ve got some gossip to tell you.”

 

Original language:

“Can I get a witness?”

Translation:

“Since nobody clapped, will somebody at least say ‘Amen’?”

 

Original language:

“We are naming it and claiming it in Jesus’ name.”

Translation:

“We are using religion to try to get what we want.”

 

Original language:

“If it ain’t the King James Version, it ain’t the Bible.”

Translation:

“Don’t make me think; just tell me what to believe.”

 

Original language:

“Let me pray about that and get back with you.”

Translation:

“I don’t want to do it, but I don’t want to tell you to your face.”

 

Original language:

“When are we going to sing some hymns?”

Translation:

“The music is supposed to be about my wants and desires.”

 

Original language:

“All the preacher ever talks about is money.”

Translation:

“I don’t want the preacher to ever talk about money, because I feel guilty for being stingy.”

 

Original language:

“The Lord laid it on my heart to tell you…”

Translation:

“I want to use God to lay a guilt trip on you.”

 

Original language:

“Finally, brethren…”

Translation:

“This sermon is just getting warmed up.”

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About Bob Rogers

Hospital chaplain in Mississippi. Formerly a pastor for 33 years in Mississippi and Georgia. Historian and avid cyclist.

Posted on September 4, 2018, in Christian Living, Holy Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Thanks for the morning laugh, Bob….. 🙂

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