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Advice on gift-giving from the best one I know

Copyright by Bob Rogers

“Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary His mother, and falling on their knees, they worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” Matthew 2:11, HCSB

Advice from a great gift-giver
NancyRogers

   My sister, Nancy Rogers, is the best gift-giver I know. I have always noticed how thoughtful she is in selecting gifts for others. So I called her up and asked for her advice, and here is what she told me:

   Nancy said, “I think about what that person would enjoy. It depends on who the person is. If they have similar tastes to me, or a woman my age, then I ask myself if I would like that. Then, I ask, would it appeal to that person, not to me. So I ask myself, how would they react when they open this gift? Like a person who loves cats, I might think they would like a cat figurine, but then I think about how this person does not collect items and so even though they like cats, they don’t collect figurines. So I give it some time and thought. I learn about the person. The gift may not be that expensive, but it doesn’t matter; what matters is that I was thinking about his or her interests, because you can’t buy affection.”

What about giving money and gift cards?

   What about giving money and gift cards? Nancy said, “I think giving cash and gift cards can be just fine. I have a goddaughter who lives on a tight budget. For her, money is very helpful to do something for herself. So I gave her $50 for her birthday. She wrote me a note and said she went and got her hair done, and nails done, something she would not have spent on her tight budget. If I had given her a pair of earrings that cost the same amount of money, it would mean less to her. If had given money to my boss who makes more money than me, it would not have meant as much to him. If my friend listens to music all of the time and likes to get music on his iPod from iTunes, and I give him an iTunes gift card. But doing so, I’m saying that I’m thinking about him because he will download music with it.

   “When it comes to gift giving, the magic thing is not the dollar value. It’s showing the other person that you care about them and value them by thinking about what they would like. It’s about the receiver, the care and thought. One year when I had no money, I baked cookies and put them in plastic bags and put handwritten notes with the cookies, and it went over fine, because I tried to personalize it. A lot of times, a card you make yourself or a blank card that you write a note in, means even more.”

Special advice for men giving to women

   Does she have any advice for men buying for their girlfriend or wife? “When a man is buying for a woman, I have two pieces of advice. Number one, ask the best friend and listen to what she says. The best friend knows! Tell her the budget range, and she will give you the best suggestion, hands down. Number two, when in doubt, give her jewelry! Women will buy inexpensive costume jewelry for themselves, but a lot of women won’t buy nice jewelry for themselves. But you need to know the style and taste your woman has in jewelry. Does she wear silver or gold? Are her ears pierced? You may even want to take the best friend with you to help you pick it out. If you buy expensive gold earrings for a woman who wears silver jewelry and does not have pierced ears, you have shown that you do not care enough about her to learn what she likes, even though you spent a lot of money.

The extra benefit of gift-giving

   “What you will discover when you start putting time and thought into your gift-giving, is that gift-giving will become more enjoyable for you. You will look forward to seeing how the other person reacts and how they know that you showed that you care by selecting something just for them. After all, giving gifts is an expression of our love, and if we love someone, we will put some thought into what we give them.”

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Valentine’s Day and the Preacher’s Daughters

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I always thought that I was romantic. But having two attractive young daughters has taught me that I have a lot to learn about romance. (Sorry, guys, they’re both taken—both are now married.) According to my daughters, there are three different levels in a boy-girl relationship:

1. “Talking.” If you’re “talking,” it means you’re interested in each other, but you’re not committed to being boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re free to talk to others. A lot of this “talking” is actually “typing,” because they often do it by texting on their cell phones.

2. “Going out.” This means a commitment to being boyfriend and girlfriend. My generation called this “going steady,” but today’s teens call it “going out.” The only problem is, if they don’t have a driver’s license, they aren’t really going anywhere. Personally, I think they should call this “talking a lot more,” or “texting a lot more,” because that’s what they’re really doing.

3. “Dating.” This is for older youth who have driver’s licenses. If you’re older, you can go straight from “talking” to “dating.” Also, to further complicate things, you can be “dating” but not yet committed to “going out.” So in this scenario, you actually ARE going out, yet you are not officially “going out.”

To my daughters’ list of three levels, I would add a fourth level. If God leads you to Mr. Right, then at the proper time, you should move to a fourth level in a relationship:

4. “Married.” This is what happens when you decide to go out permanently.

I’m reminded of a conversation I once overheard in a flower shop just before Valentine’s Day. Some young men were in the shop, talking about their constantly changing girlfriends. An older man spoke up and said, “What you guys need to do is stop buying at the news stand and get a subscription.”

The Bible says, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18) and “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). That’s why I’m happy for my daughters. And I pray that after they are married, they don’t forget to keep dating, and going out, and talking. I know that if they do, their subscription will never run out.

How to deal with disputable matters in church

loving divorceCopyright by Bob Rogers
Two churches were located a few blocks from each other in the same small community. The leadership of the two churches felt it would be wise to merge into one larger, stronger congregation, and so plans were set in motion. But it never happened. Why? They could not agree on the wording of the Lord’s Prayer. One group preferred “forgive us our trespasses” while the other wanted “forgive us our debts.” A newspaper article reporting the failed merger noted that one group went back to its “trespasses” while the other returned to its “debts” (Kenneth Boa and William Kruidenier, Holman New Testament Commentary: Romans, p. 417-418.)

Unfortunately, churches and church members often divide over many minor matters.

In Romans 14:1 (NIV84), Paul says, “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.”

There are all kinds of disputable matters that come up in churches today. Church members debate over the translation of the Bible. Church members debate over whether to use organ and piano or use guitars and drums in worship. Church members debate over how much of the budget should go to missions, whether to tithe the gross or the net, and what Sunday School literature to use. Church members debate about whether it is proper for a Christian to have a tattoo or whether to wear dress clothes or casual clothes to church. Some churches debate over whether or not it is proper for a man to wear short sleeves and a woman to wear makeup. Some even debate over the color of the carpet.

So how do we handle it when disputable matters come up in the church?

Romans 14:4 asks, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?” The point Paul is making is that the Lord Jesus is the Master, not you or me, so don’t get critical over sideline issues.

How do we define a disputable matter?

This raises a question, however. How do we define what is a disputable matter? After all, most people would agree that whether I preach from the King James Version or some other translation of the Bible is a disputable matter, but for some people, it’s not even open for debate. How can we know? Here are some guidelines:

1) What does the Bible teach on the subject?

First, what does the Bible teach on the subject? Take the example of drinking alcohol. Some Christians drink alcohol, while others feel you cannot be a true Christian and drink alcohol. So what does the Bible teach? The Bible says in some passages that wine was consumed by good people (Melchizedek brought out wine and bread to Abraham in Genesis 14:18; Jesus turned water into wine in John 2:1-11), but it also says that drunkenness is sinful and foolish (Proverbs 20:1; 23:20, Isaiah 5:11). So according to the Bible, drinking alcohol is not a sin, but getting drunk is a sin. So the first principle is to ask what the Bible teaches on the subject.

Of course, there are some areas where sincere Christians have honest differences of opinion about what the Bible teaches on a subject. For example, I believe that the Bible teaches that Jesus’ Second Coming is premillenial. However, I used to believe it was amillenial, and I finally changed my mind after continual study. The reason for differences of opinion is that a person can take scripture and make arguments for both sides, based on scripture. And if two Bible-believing Christians can back up their viewpoints from scripture, then they should respect their differences of opinion.

2) Is the dispute over a practice or a principle?

There is a second guideline that can help us, however. Paul says later in this chapter, in Romans 14:17, “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Notice that he is making a distinction between practices and principles. “Eating and drinking” are practices. “Righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” are principles. Worshiping the Lord is a principle; playing the organ or playing the guitar are practices. We should stand on our principles but be flexible in our practices.

“Love Out Loud: Face to Face”

Some 400 members of First Baptist Church of Rincon wore their blue jeans and t-shirts to Sunday morning worship on February 12, because they came ready to go out and work in the community that afternoon.
Members spent the afternoon doing 15 different community service projects that touched over a thousand lives all over Effingham County, Georgia. “Too often, the world hears what we are against,” said the pastor, Dr. Bob Rogers. “We want them to hear loud and clear what we are for. We are for Jesus, we are for love and we are for loving our community personally in the name of Jesus. That’s why this is called ‘Love Out Loud: Face to Face.'”
With that in mind, everything was done for free. Free food was distributed to first responders. There was a free car wash and vehicle safety check on the church grounds– no money accepted. Several people offered the volunteers money, but they politely refused, explaining it was an illustration of God’s grace, that we cannot earn.
Some members went to local laundromats and offered to pay for people’s laundry, while others washed windshields for free at a local drive-in restaurant. Still others grabbed rakes and gloves and cleaned the yards of the sick and elderly, or took their tools to do minor repairs in homes of those in need. Back at the church, a group of volunteers were giving a party for special needs children, while a large host of volunteers descended on the local nursing home and retirement home, visiting the residents, and giving cards and goody bags to the workers.
Some volunteers focused specifically on spiritual and emotional needs, praying with people in homes where volunteer work was being done, as well as making numerous visits to the homebound. One family who has to stay at home due to illness was visited, and said, “We are blessed to be members of such an awesome church who reaches out to our community.” Free Bibles were given away in many different sites, both in English and Spanish. Volunteers from the church’s Hispanic mission participated in several of the projects.
Even though this is the third year that the church has done a “Love Out Loud” day near Valentine’s, it still required weeks of preparation, led by coordinators Beth Pye and Sherri Gordy. A group of volunteers who gave away handmade cards and goody bags, spent hours in preparation before the day of distribution. Organizers had to prepare hundreds of box lunches that could be distributed quickly, so that volunteers had time to eat and go out to serve.
Members of First Baptist Rincon who participated seemed to feel as blessed as those they helped. Kim Callahan said, “First time doing Love Out Loud. It was awesome.” Angie Griffin said, “Our trip to the nursing home was so amazing. Our grandson Carson said after we left, ‘Meme, I feel so good coming here today and spreading Gods love.'” Leonard Zeigler visited the county jail to pray with inmates, and found he was deeply moved by one inmate as they stood on opposite sides of the glass, hands touching the same window, until he saw condensation start rolling down the window.
Kim Weaver, a beautician who helped cut hair for free that day, said, “We let God out of the box.” Joseph Douberly drove around with a team that randomly approached people and offered to pray for them. While some people refused, others were eager for prayer, even calling family out of their homes to join them in prayer. Douberly said that he got “way outside my comfort zone.”
A teenager who participated was inspired to keep serving even after the day was over. Ryan Cole shared, “I had fun washing cars, trucks and our two fire trucks. At the end of church on my way home I saw a lady who needed help. No one stopped to help so I stopped; she was very nice.”
Team coordinator Beth Pye said, “It’s exciting to be part of a church family that actively takes Christ into the community. When we get out there and get involved in other people’s lives, share their pain and their joy, we’re giving them a glimpse of how God can be the fundamental source of their strength and life.”
Logistics coordinator Sherri Gordy said, “It is one thing to talk about “helping people” but that never compares with the feeling of actually reaching down, out, and over to help another person. Love out Loud crosses age, race, denomination, and does exactly what Jesus does for us, if we let Him work in our lives.”
At least five people allowed God to work in their lives in a very personal way, praying to receive Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord.

Valentine miscommunication

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People think of love at Valentine’s. However, some of us fail to communicate.

A cake decorator in New Zealand was asked to include the reference to a Bible verse on the couple’s wedding cake. They requested 1 John 4:18 because it states, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.” Unfortunately, the cake decorator wasn’t a Bible scholar so the cake ended up with a reference to John’s gospel instead of his epistle. In beautiful print was “John 4:18.” Had the decorator taken time to look up the verse this error would have been detected before the wedding. “You have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”

I heard about a man who was feeling bad that he had not been romantic. So he decided to show up at his door with a coat and tie and give his wife flowers. He rang the doorbell, and when she answered, there he was in all his glory, as he handed her a dozen roses. To his surprise, she sat down in the doorway and just cried.

“What’s wrong, honey?” he asked.

She replied, “This has been a terrible day. Rachel came home from school sick, Daniel broke a window with his baseball, the microwave won’t work, and now you come home drunk!”

Even though our attempts are communicating love can sometimes be misunderstood, we should still make every effort to express our love. The Bible has an entire book, Song of Solomon, that is dedicated to the celebration of romance between a husband and wife. I know a fellow who often reads verses from the Song of Solomon to his wife. Not a bad idea. Just make sure that you read the right verse. Song of Solomon 4:9 would work: “You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes.” But you don’t want to read to her from Song of Solomon 7:4: “Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.”
So if you’re thinking about love this Valentine’s, make sure you say it clearly.