Category Archives: Holy Humor
Coffee, memory loss and Christmas
I was glad to read recently that drinking coffee can help your short-term memory loss. You see, I’m a forgetful, coffee-drinking preacher.
Having a bad memory is not good when you are a minister. When I was pastor of Union Baptist Church in Roxie, Mississippi, our treasurer had a car wreck. I went to see her, and before leaving, I offered to pray for her. As I began the prayer, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten her name! The church only had about 35 people attend each Sunday, so it wasn’t like I had a lot of names to recall. Anyway, being the sophisticated young professional that I was, I blurted out, “What’s your name?” She told me with a sad voice it was “Jean,” and then I prayed aloud for God to heal Jean, and silently I prayed for God to get me out of there alive.
My pastor friend in New Orleans, Joe McKeever, tells how he was asked to visit a member’s sister in the hospital and pray for her. Forgetting her name, his prayer sounded strange: “Please bless this dear brother’s sister, Father.”
That reminds me of a forgetful moment I had when I lived in New Orleans. I was driving home from church. To my surprise, a New Orleans cop turned on his blue lights and pulled me over. As soon as I stopped, he got on his loudspeaker and announced loudly enough for the whole city to hear, “There’s a book on your car.” I got out, and saw that my black leather
Bible was sitting on the roof of the car, just above the driver’s seat. Apparently I left it there after church when I was talking to somebody. The Bible was open and its pages were in disarray, and the Sunday bulletin was gone, but at least my Bible didn’t fall off the car. It would be hard to explain to my Bible professor why I trampled the Word of God with my tires.
Red-faced, I retrieved the Bible, and the policeman smiled and drove away.
All of this reminds me (you see, the coffee-drinking is helping my memory already!) of how many people get forgetful at Christmas. Folks put up their holiday decorations and do their holiday shopping and send holiday cards with “Season’s Greetings,” and attend holiday parties and holiday parades. But they forget what the holiday is about.
This Christmas, don’t forget to Whom we pray. His name is Jesus. This Christmas, don’t forget the Book. It’s called the Bible, and it has good news for you, that a Savior, Christ the Lord, was born in Bethlehem. May I make a suggestion? This Christmas, before you open any presents, curl up with a hot cup of coffee, open the Good Book to the Gospel of Luke, chapter 2, and read the story to your family. You may find yourself saying, “Ah, I remember.”
Resting from the frantic pace of the Christmas race
Denis Waitley tells of a mother who took her 5-year-old son Christmas shopping at the mall. After many hours, the boy was worn out, so she took him to see Santa Claus, thinking that would help. He was pushed forward to sit in Santa’s lap.
Santa asked, “What would you like for Christmas?”
The boy said, “I would like to get down.”
Sometimes December gets so hectic we feel like that little boy. We want to get down. We want to rest from the frantic pace.
We need to learn from the shepherds, who left their flocks in the field and “came with haste” to see the Christ child (Luke 2:16). We need to learn from the wise men, who saw His star in the east and kept their focus on Christ and their goal to “come to worship Him” (Matthew 2:2).
So how can we set aside the distractions and keep our focus on Christ this Christmas? Let me encourage you have courage to say “No” to some things so that you will have time to say “Yes” to the best things: worship of Christ, sharing God’s love with others, and spending time with your family. If you don’t have enough time to go to church or relax with your family this month, then maybe it’s time to eliminate some unnecessary activities from your schedule.
If you don’t have enough money left to give to share the gospel of Jesus with those who have never heard or to share assistance with those less fortunate, then maybe it’s time to eliminate some presents you don’t need so you can give to those who do need to know Christ and His love.
This Christmas, let’s not let a Christ-less culture tell us how to celebrate the birth of Christ. Let’s say, “I would like to get down.”
If we could have been there that first Thanksgiving…
I read about a kindergarten teacher who prepared her class for Thanksgiving by telling them all about the Pilgrims coming over on the Mayflower and settling at Plymouth Rock. She told how the Pilgrims endured their first winter and celebrated their blessings in a feast with the local Indians. One little girl went home and told her mom every detail that she could remember. Her mother asked what the Pilgrims and Indians ate that first Thanksgiving. Stumped by the question, the little girl said, “I can’t remember, Mommy, but you can ask my teacher. She was there!”
Well, the teacher might not have been there, but we would all do well to remember what happened there on that first Thanksgiving. Many Americans have forgotten that it was to God that the Pilgrims gave thanks. In the famous “Mayflower Compact” that they adopted on November 11, 1620 are these words: “We whose names are underwritten… having undertaken for ye glory of God, and advancement of the Christian faith… a voyage to plant ye first colony in ye norther parts of Virginia… covenant and combine ourselves together into a civil body politick…”
The Pilgrims settled at Plymouth in order to advance the Christian faith. They celebrated the first Thanksgiving to give thanks to God for His blessings. We weren’t there when it happened, but let us never neglect their spirit of gratitude. “The earth has produced its harvest; God our God blesses us… and all the ends of the earth will fear Him.” (Psalm 67:6-7, HCSB.)
Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers
When the pastor found out that Pearly felt just peachy
Sometimes a pastor feels awkward when he is called upon to visit somebody he does not know in the hospital, but it is really embarrassing when he visits somebody that he does know but he does not recognize! That happened to me recently. Let me explain– and I will change the names to protect the innocent.
Our church office received a request to visit Pearly Precious (obviously not her real name!), who was having knee surgery. It was the hospital visitation day of our associate pastor, so he went to make the visit, but the family had left and Pearly was in surgery, so he left his card and departed. I called later and got Pearly’s room and talked to her daughter, who thanked me for calling, and told me she was recovering well from the knee surgery. A couple days later, I was in town, so I went to the hospital to visit.
I knocked on the door, which had her last name, “Precious,” on the door, but when I entered the room, I did not recognize the patient! Confused, I introduced myself, and started to excuse myself, when the daughter said that she remembered talking to me on the phone and thanked me for coming. I looked at Mrs. Pearly, and said, “Sorry I didn’t recognize you at first– your hair is shorter.” After a long pause, the daughter said, “Now tell me, what connection does our family have to your church?”
I said, “Uh, I came to visit Pearly Precious.”
They said, “This is Pearly Precious.”
I said, “I have a Pearly Precious who is a member of First Baptist Church in Rincon.”
They said, “She’s a member of Woodlawn Baptist Church in Baxley.”
That’s when we realized the mix-up. There were two women with the same name! So I just went ahead and prayed with the other Pearly and left to call the house of my Pearly. She answered the phone, and I asked how she was doing. She said, “Just fine.” When I told he what happened, she said, “I haven’t been in the hospital in years. But that explains why somebody called and asked about my surgery!”
Psalm 138:8 (HCSB) says, “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” If I was a pagan, I would think my perchance visit was purposeless. But the Precious family from Baxley was pleased to have a pastor pray with them, and the Precious family from Rincon was proud that their Pearly felt just peachy. Yes, God has a plan and a purpose for all people, even pastors and patients who don’t plan to pray together. What plan do you perceive He has for you?
(Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers.)
Bob Rogers 